So anyway, I woke up this morning and went to work. Straight to work. And then, after that, I came home, and I made plans to go meet up with some friends, who were up for it. 'Cos that's what one does. But sitting there, on the edge of my bed, I realised, I don't really know any of them that much. Then I realised, I don't really like my job at all. Then I realised I don't like this room anymore either, or being in this house. I also realised I don't like having to move out, or the idea of moving in, to a new place. But most of all, I despaired at the thought of you not emailing me back anymore, or more importantly, not feeling the need to. Maybe you were going to anyway, but it certainly got me thinking.

Because the last thing I realised was that it didn't matter any more, because we're all old now, and we aren't supposed to worry about that sort of thing, and we aren't supposed to reveal ourselves like I am now. What's more, I hadn't actually been worrying; just plodding along. And for a moment there, I felt alot of time pass. I suddenly noticed how wiry the stubble on my cheek was, and how my clothes were less colourful; more sensible than before. I realised how much more at ease I was with people; how I rarely ask anyone for help anymore.

For a moment there, whatever it was, it got to me. You know. The age thing.

But what brought me back was that you were real, Dina. You were here, in this town, in this house; and you were the closest I've really come to happiness. So I'm fighting it.

I hope this all makes a bit of sense, because I want for you to feel me around you somehow.

Anyhow this was just an update; just reply when you were going to, I'm not mega anxious about an email. I have plenty of you to think about anyway.