Have you ever times when you see something wayyyyyyyy before it occurs? It would stand to reason that when you "see" this you should have the ability to remove yourself from it or to change the path or at least make a clearing in the path? But you don't. For what ever reason whether its the cosmic celestial powers that be, the curse your great great great uncle George threw down at the family way before you were even a thought, or destiny(schmestiny), or some sadistic freakin game we somehow must enjoy, cause we keep doing it. And its the same damn thing, again. Circumstances may be different, situations changed, but the end result is still the same. Sitting back and surveying the damage, you look within yourself and say "Self? What the hell was that?" Then you begin to make these mental notes. Notes that you think you'll remember for future reference...which you don't. It's the catch 22 of life. There are some theologies that believe you come back into another life, to relive and to make good on mistakes of a former life. There is also the belief that we will continue to return until we self actualize/obtain an ultimate goal, so that we may be let in to heaven or higher power. And until we get it right we are damned{a little dramatic, I'm a writer geeze}. Or the belief that you "come back" a step up from where you were, a higher station in life. Well...I think of that often, And I have to say, what the heck was my station formerly then..gee... the scum underneath a slug? a bottom dweller? Man...I don't like that belief.So we have this foresight. Yet we keep going, knowing full well that tucked somewhere in our subconscious are these mental notes we took. We have the answers, but insist on looking on someone else's paper. Then wonder why we recieve an "F" on our term paper.Then we get this really great idea, ya know the one with the light bulb flashing above your head? You use these wonderful notions called....Coping mechanisms AKA Defense mechanisms. The word defense should really set off the alarms. To me, that implies there is an offense, yes? no? So if we are utilizing "defense" mechanisms then who is on the offensive? No one.I will stick with my preferred, coping mechanisms. Sounds better. :DAnyhoo~~ where was I? Oh yes. So you see this coming..blah blah blah....Dealing with the aftermath. Well fight or flight is a coping mechanism. BUT...it's out of the equation at this point. I mean you had the chance way before you got here. The chance to run is long gone andreally tofight? The point has been lost. Next. Then we can use our God given emotions...yup. That is what I said. We can make choices here though: hmmm..... To laugh or to be indifferent. I would prefer to laugh. Feels better. To cry or to be pissed. Hmmm getting harder. See, for me, I would and do always choose pissed. Why? Oh I have an answer.{of course I do right?}I don't like to hurt. I don't like to cry. I don't like being all f'ed up in the head.As far as I know not many people do.{And I hate waterproof mascara}. But there are those that would choose to cry. I won't lie, I do cry, which makes me angry. For me, getting mad is easier. It serves a few purposes. Spite. To inflict pain back. Justification, real or not. And it pushes me further away from the situation/circumstances/feelings. I am not by anyway saying this is right. But it is what works for me. It is a catalyst to move forward. To give me a reason. The "ya whatever" attitude. There I will sit, in my misery, and yes eventually I will pick my ass up off the floor as soon as I get my head out of it. So I know it is temporary. I know it.....but can't, won't stop it. More coping? Well there are those who use alcohol/drugs....Not my bag.Withdrawal/hide in a corner....Yeah, I do this, but it runs its course quickly.Eating disorders...ummm yes...no need to go there.These are the unhealthy strategies we choose. Why? it feels good. Gives a sense of release. It affords us "CONTROL".Avoidance? Hmmmmmmm..okayI could list them all here...but I aint gunna. {How eloquent huh?} Instead I will give you a link or two:http://changingminds.org/explanations/behaviors/coping/coping.htmand www.coping.org The second has a lot of great worksheets. We used this site when I was a substance abuse case manager. The women I worked with struggled...I had never worked in this field before and I learned so much about myself from these ladies and their lives. I left the job due to personal reasons. I couldn't do it anymore. It was just so draining. If I didn't have it in me, to be there for them or when I began to be angry with them because of their addictions, I was of no use to them. I stepped out. The Coping.org site has a lot of useful info, geared towards, addictive behaviors, including eating disorders, self mutilation, sexual abuse, PTSD, and info for parents with "special Children". {I really dislike that they use that term "Special". I work with adults with disabilities, and I am on the other side...The PROFESSIONAL side. I am deemed evil by some and an advocate by others. I see what labels do to people all day, everyday.} The Coping.org site is a useful site for self exploration. You do not need to have an addictive behavior to find it useful or thought provoking. It has many useful topics, as time management, anger management, stress, etc...What ever it is that sets off the unhealthy defense mechanisms is a trigger.Responses to triggers may include...Cognitive responses; i.e. intrusive thoughts. ("I can't do anything." "This will always happen." "I'm just worthless.") Kinda how this entry sounds, huh?!Emotional responses (fear, anger, sadness, terror) Physical reactions (rapid heart beat, muscular pain, stomach ache, panic attack) Behavioral responses (drinking, not eating, isolating, purging, self-injuring)These responses we say is How we cope...To manage your responses, you must first recognize them. Become aware that you are beginning to be triggered. Acknowledge what is going on. Identify your feelings. Stop the automatic process and think of your plan. Calm yourself in healthy ways; tune into your body, breathe slowly from your diaphragm, tell yourself reassuring thoughts, and concentrate on relaxing tensed muscles. Use grounding skills to keep yourself in the "here and now." And don'tYžz6afraid to ask for help if you need it.To combat the Triggers...I have had to learn positive ways to respond and to cope. As in Meditation. Writing. Reading. Cleaning. Workaholic...I sound very Type A personality...But I am very removed from it....Type B or C....almost too laid back..And I do cope. As I had put in a recent entry, I have to, time waits for no one. I am just trying to figure out how to avoid all this in the first place. If We see it...why not stop it. Then, as it unfolds. That is the part I contemplate...Instead of comingoff as a hard ass. It puts that barrier there. Keeps everyone out of the purple circle{its a space thing, no not like outer space either...lol personal space}...keeps them across the moat...Wow that sounds so desolate. It's not. I let a few in. Just because I let them in doesn't mean they get all the way in...I just don't. Usually when I do, eh...I end wanting a rewind button or a delete key...If only. It's just simple. Easy way out. The walls suit me fine. Less crap I have to deal with, cause I say what gets in...The wall gets stronger all the time...it's survival. I try to look at it in a more positive way...That those few I do let in, are here for a reason. I enjoy the few I have...Plus if they can put up with my "unique" quirky{free spirit} view on crap...and put up with the "tude" {strong willed} then I am doing okay.... :D
Peace~
Note there are many theories on Coping/defense mechanisms...I really just didn't want to get that convoluted...Just the basics...Just notions