Happiness can be found not in a jar of peanut butter or a Rolls Royce, my friends. The joy is temporary or shallow, but lasting joy is found in building relationships, making others feel good, accomplishing goals, and doing the right thing. You can get little boosts from a lovely new coat, a wink from a cute dude at work, or your paycheck. These are not insignificant. But what transforms these bits into happiness that lasts is different. If you ever stopped to think about why you feel happy, try it sometimes. It might not be as easy to figure out as you thought.

Take your paycheck. Is it the color green that floats your boat or the new dress you can buy? Or does the positivity persist when you feel the accomplishment of gaining employment, succeeding on the job, feeling proud of making a living, being independent and affording the possibility of showering yourself and others with generosity.

So, my latest boost comes in the form of a 4′11″ feisty Grandma named Sophie. She’s hilarious, witty, sharp as a tack, except for the fact that she now suffers from Alzheimer’s disease. She forgets short term details, and the way I’ve coped is by coming up with new ways of answering. It is trying at times, I’ll admit, especially when she is quite focused on difficulties that have happened in my life more recently. But, I try to remember, she is probably frightened by her memory loss (that I know she realizes) and really does care about me.

My grandmother recently lost her sister, 7 years her junior. She basically helped raise her and after my great-grandmother died, my grandmother was her sounding board, her shoulder to lean on, the chef extraordinare to replace my great-grandmother’s sublime cuisine. My grandma was devastated. She’s a tough cookie, but she kept forgetting then remembering the loss. It was so sad to watch.

My grandmother lives in a lovely assisted living place near to our home, and we scooped up my grandmother and drove a long drive up and back for the funeral. The night we arrived, my grandmother and I and my parents stayed in a nearby hotel. Aside from the thermostat wars (my grandmother prefer a subSaharan breeze INDOORS) and her insistence that I brush my teeth, even though I am well above the age of needing this kind of reminding :) (5 times as she forgot she asked), I felt great joy being there for her. I didn’t realize this until she told me later that day (”your presence is a great comfort to me.”) I knew she might forget our interaction and even the funeral, but I feel strongly that her emotional memory may remain. And the help I provided made me feel good. I assisted her in carrying her bags, finding her pajamas, putting on her shoes. All of this is not to imply I am Mother Teresa, but that I felt immense, long-lasting joy in doing for her, and spending time with my little grandmother. And that has kept me smiling for a week in counting.