Really, you need to read the first one first. Go on; I'll wait.

Back? Ok.

2: I wrote this shortly after we'd sorted out that "New Relationship" crap. Boundaries are important to set early on.

<p align="left">Dear Myspace band dudes,</p>
I think it is great that you are in a band. I always wanted to be in one myself, but biology and the prejudices of others have conspired against me and I am left with a singing voice rivaled only by Ms. Piggy and the ability to play precious more than pots and pans. My kids, however, show a lot of promise musically. Maybe they can join your band someday.

I appreciate that you want to be "my friend", but I regret to say that my answer will be a resounding <strong>NO</strong> if any of the following apply to you:

a) "your space" has a picture of hell/hellfire/the dark lord on it. I am already past my death obsession phase. I like chocolate now.

b) your bio pictures are all artistically blurry close close-ups of your band members with introspective yet tough looks about them. I see boogers all day long. I also see "the tough face" more often than I care to (see MY picture).

c) your other "friends" pictures are all of women who are wearing thong underwears, lying on their back and/or spread eagle, making that awful pouty face, have anything at all hanging from their mouths or are photos only of their boobies. I promise you (I PROMISE YOU) if you ask to be my "friend", I will send you similar pictures of myself. You will not enjoy it.

If you send me comp tickets to your show, I will come, cheer you on, maybe even buy you a shot of Jager if you're hot. But seriously, I am too old for your band. I swear to you, I am

Hugs & Kisses,

yo momma!