Monday, March 12 2007
Ust-Kamenogorsk Kazakhstan

We were picked up at the apartment in Almaty at 5am to go to the airport for our 7:10 flight to Ust. We arrived at the airport and had to go through the security gate. Frank set off the metal detector and the guard waved the hand held detector over him and pointed at his pocket. Frank told him it must be change and the gaurd just let him go on. Securtiy here is not as strict as at home in the states. Frank was even allowed to carry matches and a lighter into the airport and on the plane. When they x-rayed our bags they questioned one of the suitcases and asked if there was a bottle in it. I told them there was a bottle of water and that was good enough for them. Then they questioned Frank's carry on if it had any metal in it. He said he wasn't sure so they opened it and it was the dvd player so again we were fine.

Next we had to go through a gate where they check your passport and ticket. We had to wait there for a long time because they only let about three flights through at a time and there were three flights scheduled before ours. Finally after standing in the very hot airport for a very long time we were able to go through the gate and had no problems. Then we had to go to the check in counter. We stood in line for awhile and then made it to the desk. Our bags were over the weight limit. They were never over the limit in the US but they must have very different weight restrictions here. The woman spoke limited English but was able to tell us the the bags were 8kilos over and we would have to pay about $3/kilo in fees. She said to go to the cashier and pay the amount and then come back. Frank went to pay the fees and I stayed near her place at the desk so we wouldn't have to get back in the very long line. We finally got checked in and went to find a seat and wait for our flight.

There was a couple of Americans in the airport waiting for the same flight. We met them and it was great to be able to speak to someone. It was a woman named Kristi and her mother Susan who were here for adoption as well. It was Kristi's second trip. She is here to get her son and take him home. I am so glad that we met her. She was able to tell us so much about the process and what things are like. She was even using AIP, the same adoption agency we are using. She told us that you get to visit the baby in the morning and then you go have lunch or shop and then it's pretty much time to go back and have an afternoon visit with the baby. She said that after that it's basically dinner time so you eat dinner and just have a little time before you go to bed and then get up and do it all again. She told us that the days pass pretty quickly that way.

Kristi was also able to warn us about how the flights in Kazakhstan work. She said they are never on time and that people will cut in front of you in line. Everyone pushes and shoves their way onto the airplane and they cram way too much in the overhead bins even if they are already full. People don't necessarily sit where they are supposed to so you might not even get the seat you were assigned. Once it was time to board the plane we were so glad she had told us all of this because she was absolutely right. It was the craziest thing I have ever had to be a part of. People really do push and shove and have no regard for anyone but themselves. It was a complete madhouse. Of course before we could even get on the plane we had to pay attention to the board at the gate to see if our flight was boarding because there are no announcements in English at all.

Once it was time to board the four of us pushed our way near the front. When it comes down to push and shove you either get pushed or you do the pushing. So, we made damn sure we pushed right along with everyone else. My concern was just to get to the seats we had been assigned. We all ended up being in the same row and that was a good thing so we wanted to be sure we got there. It was a madhouse on the plane. People would go down the aisle and then decide they wanted to be closer to the front so the would come back up and shove you out of the way to get there as you tried to make your way to your seats. We manged to get our seats and even put stuff in the overhead bins. Sure enough other people crammed their stuff in on top of ours. We saw some of the bins get so filled up that they barely latched and we wondered if they might not pop open mid-flight. Once everyone was on board we took off almost immediately. The flight crew was actually really good and they were constantly bringing things to the passengers. First they brought around news papers and then mints, next they served breakfast and then had cofee when they picked up the breakfast trash and then came around with mints again. Breakfast was good. They had sandwiches on toasted bread.

The flight went pretty quick. We landed fairly smoothly and exited the plane down the stairs and outside and walked to the building. It is pretty cold in Ust (about 15degrees when we landed) and the trees were white with ice. It was really beautiful and it was a nice view for our first look at Ust-Kamenogorsk. It is a very tiny airport. We were met by the adoption coordinator. She is a very nice lady and her English is really pretty good. Kristie and Susan went with the translator, Saltenot (really not sure on the spelling of this one) and a driver who's name I think is Bulyu. We went with Amagul and the driver Biljon. Amagul asked us if we were ready to go the baby house. I said Yes we were!! She said that we would go to the apartment first and drop off our luggage and then we would go to the baby house.

She explained to us as we drove what the process would be. She said that we would pick up Oksana, the lady from the ministry of education, and then go to the baby house. At the baby house we would meet the director and doctor. She said that they may interview us and they may not, she was not sure. The normal procedure would be for them to interview adoptive parents to find a good match for them. We however already had a referral of a child so we might not have to do this. She told us to be sure not to mention that we had a referral though because that is not how adoptions in Kazakhstan are supposed to be done. Adoptive parents are supposed to meet a few children when they arrive and select one. Many agencies do provide referrals though but it is all supposed to be kept secret. She said that after meeting the director/doctor that they would then bring in our boy. She said that we would then go over his medical report and would be able to ask any question we may have. She then went on to tell us what our visits would be like. She said that because it is flu season that we would only be able to visit the baby once a day for only 1 1/2hours. This was very dissapointing to here!! We wanted to be able to spend as much time with the baby as we could and one visit just isn't enough. She also said that we would have to wear masks because it was flu season and they did not want germs spreading throughout the orphanage. Again this was something very dissapointing. How on earth is our baby supposed to get to know us if he can't even see our faces?!? Of course we have no choice in the matter and have to live with what they tell us we can and can't do.

We went to the apartment to drop off our luggage. On the drive we got to see some of Ust. It is fairly small and they say there is not alot to do here but it seems cleaner and less devastated than Almaty did, at least the parts we saw. It is still no where near the conditions of America but I have not seen any shacks or buildings with missing windows yet. There are so many stores or shops here. They are up and down every street. We have noticed several toy stores which we plan to visit at least one to get something for the baby. Our apartment building is behind a row of stores. It is not a great looking building but it doesn't look like a compound like the one in Almaty did. Our apartment is very nice inside. The floors and wallpaper all look new. the furniture is nice and clean and the place has kind of a retro look but the things are not old at all. The t.v. has cable and we can occasionally find some programs on in English. There is one channel that plays music videos and most of them are from America.

After dropping off our luggage we went to get Oksana from the ministry of education. We got there and waited outside a long time. Amagul kept trying to call her to let her know we were there but didn't seem to get her. I think she talked to someone at the ministry but I don't think it was Oksana and she just had to tell whoever to let her know we were there for her. We waited a long time and finally Amagul went in to find her. Shortly after she went in, Oksana came out. The driver Biljon was laughing as Oksana walked toward the car and explained to us what had happened. He found it funny that they missed each other but we just found it annoying because we were impatient to get to the baby house so we could meet our son. It wasn't long though before Amagul came back out and we were on our way.

On the way to the baby house Oksana asked us some questions. Amagul had to translate for us. She asked why we decided to adopt, if we had any other children, if we had been married before, how long we had been married and what our jobs were. All of this information is of course in our dossier which she has a copy of but I guess she wanted to hear it from us or maybe see how we reacted. Anyway it was just a few simple questions and then we were at the baby house!

We went inside and then sat down on a couch in an office. Oksana sat down at a desk and started going through some papers. I could see that they were pictures and information of babies. The were all pretty young babies so I think they must have just been coming into the orphanage or just becoming available for adoption. It was a pretty thick stack, it's so sad to know so many babies are without parents. Across from her there was a Russian woman (although she looked about 15 years old I am sure she was older) working at the computer. Amagul told us it would be just a few minutes and she left the room. She was gone for about 5 minutes and when she came back she seemed angry about something. That kind of worried me. I had no idea what was going on and she was speaking Russian so there was no way to find out what had upset her. I was very nervous at that moment that something had happened and our boy was gone. The three women talked for awhile. Amagul left the room again. Different women kept popping in and out of the room for different reasons. Putting away a vacuum, sweeping the floor, making copies, everything except to talk to us. Amagul would go in and out of the room. At one point the three women were talking and laughing and having a great time together. They were pissing us off!!! We were just sitting there with no clue what was going on. We had been there for over a half an hour and no one had said a word to us since we got there other than Amagul telling us it would be just a few minutes and that was more than 30 minutes ago.

Amagul left the room again the little blonde typed away on the computer and freaking Oksana was playing solitaire on the damn computer. Amagul came back and still did not say anything to us or even look at us. Frank and I had begun to quietly talk to each other about how we were apparently invisible. I said maybe it was all a test to see if we were patient enough to be parents. Everytime they laughed I told Frank that they were over there saying look at the stupid Americans sitting there like idiots, hahahaha! We were really getting angry but of course we couldn't say anything because we want to adopt a baby and we can't risk them turning us down for any little reason. It had been an hour at this point and nobody had told us what was going on or what the delay was. Finally a very official looking woman came in and everyone sort of snapped to attention. Aha! this must be who we were waiting on. Sure enough it was. So went into the next room and sat down at a long table in front of this woman's desk.

We sat there for awhile as Oksana and the doctor went through those same papers with the pictures of the babies. Again we felt like we were not a priority to them. It seemed that they would rather take care of other business than deal with the people right in front of them. We were there for about ten minutes and then the little blonde came walking in and there was a baby in her arms. It was Ilyas (our little boy). He was so cute and had on a little hat that was adorable. I knew who he was the instant I saw him and so much tension and worry drained out of me in that instant. It took about 30 seconds before he started crying. It was a strange room full of strange people for him and he was upset. His lips were all blue and they told us that he had a rash in his mouth and that was the medicine for it. She said the rash was gone but they continued the medicine. I am pretty sure that he had thrush.

They handed him to me and even though he was upset and crying it felt good to finally have him in my arms. I sat down with him and handed him a rattle. It calmed him down a little and that lasted about another 30 seconds before he was crying again. I couldn't do much to calm him down, he was very upset. I tried to talk to him but I think the English sounded weird to him and made him cry a bit more. Oksana came over and took him and held him up against her and swayed with him and made shushing sounds. I could have slapped myself upside the head right then. That is the exact way I used to calm down my other kids when they were upset. I had even imagined myself doing just that with Ilyas on our first meeting. Somehow though when you get in that situation of meeting the baby for the first time with a bunch of people watching everything you had planned or imagined seeps right out of your mushy, emotional mind. Once she had him calmed down she handed him back to me and I stood with him held against me and swayed back and forth. He calmed down and settled his head on my shoulder. He felt so good in my arms and it was hard not to cry as I held him. He fell asleep in my arms. I sat down with him so I could look at his face.

They read his medical to us and we learned a little about his birth. His mother was 20 years old and he was her second birth. So somewhere in the world he has an older brother or sister. They didn't have any information on the sibling. They said his mother did not get health care while she was pregnant. When he was born he had a lack of oxygen and they did a CT on his brain to make sure everything was okay. His birth weight was 7pounds2oz. He has anemia and is on vitamins and iron for that. He has had 2 upper respiratory infections and a throat infection which I assume would be strep throat. He is just getting over a cold and had a runny nose and of course is just getting over thrush.

While we were reviewing his medical one of the caregivers came in with an adorable little boy who was all smiles as he said hello to the women in the room.
After they finihsed reading Ilyas' medical to us they asked if we had any questions. Then they pointed to the little boy who had come in and said this is the second child we have for you to see. We were not prepared for this. We had no idea they were going to do this since we had pre-selected Ilyas. I think they had to do this to make it look as though we selected the baby after meeting him since they are not supposed to get referrals. Still we had not expected it and it really upset us. When we talked later we realized we both had the same thought in that instant "don't you f do this to us". It felt so wrong to show us this boy knowing that we wanted Ilyas. Our hearts were breaking for this little guy. They told us his name (which i was too stunned to even hear) and said that he was 3 years old. He was a very, very cute Russian boy. He had a charming smile and you could tell that he had a sweet, pleasant personality. If we had wanted an older child and hadn't already fallen in love with Ilyas he certainly would have been a great boy to adopt. As it was we were forced to have to say no. It felt terrible and we hated every second of it. I feel for the adoptive parents who travel over here without referrals like they are supposed to and actually have to choose between children they are shown. It is so heartbreaking to have to say that you do not want a child. It is something that will haunt me forever. I hope and pray that this sweet, adorable little boy will find his forever family soon. On his way out of the room he gave us a cheerful little dosvidonya.

We were told that we would be able to visit Ilyas this afternoon but after that our visits would be in the mornings. I held Ilyas for just a couple more minutes before they took him back to his room. Amagul said that she would check on his schedule to see when we could visit. I didn't realize they were going to take him so soon or I would have handed him to Frank and let him hold him while he was sleeping. I felt bad that he did not get to hold our son on our first meeting. Since the baby was asleep it would have been a good chance for him to hold him without the baby crying. We were told that we could come back at 3:30 to visit him and stay until 5. Then for the rest of the bonding time we would come at 10:00 and stay until 11:30 which is his lunch time.

When we left the baby house we went to get an internet card for the laptop (which i forgot to ask how to use so i can't get online yet) and then went to get the masks that we have to wear from the drug store and then we went to the market. It was an interesting trip since we did not know what the meats or cheeses or anything were. We got some meat that we were told was "like ham" but had a picture of a cow on it but it did taste pretty much like ham. We got some cheese but they don't have names like chedder or colby or anything we have at home so I picked one that looked like something we have at home. It tasted kind of like colby but was a bit softer, it was pretty good. The bread was excellent. We also bought some pasta and sauce and some cereal and milk. I haven't tried any of that yet. Frank got some pringles but they are not like the pringles back home, they are kind of hard and not that good so we threw those out. We had sandwiches for lunch and then sat down to relax a bit before going to visit Ilyas.

We arrived at the baby house and went upstairs to the room where Ilyas' group lives. We went into a little room to the side of the big group room. They brought Ilyas in to us and he cried again. I held him and swayed with him to calm him down and then he was okay. I held him for a little while and then handed him to Frank. He cried again and tried to get away. I took him from Frank and calmed him down. It will take awhile for him to become used to being around a man.

We tried to get him to play with the toys but he was not interested at first. He would let me hold him for a little while and then he would try to throw himself backward to get away. At first I was worried he would hurt himself but after awhile I would let him do what he needed to. We were sitting on the floor on a blanket on top of a rug so he didn't hurt himself by throwing himself back, and I would kind of ease him down slowly rather than let him throw himself full force. Once he was down he would arch his back up or he would lay there and kick his feet. He did not cry though. I have read that children in orphanages are not used to having anyone come to them when they cry so the learn very early in life not to cry because it does nothing for them. It is very sad to see his silent temper tantrums. I know that he is upset but he must feel that no one will comfort him. Whenever he had one of his tantrums I would rub his tummy or his head to try to soothe him. After some time he got comfortable with me and if he did have a tantrum he would purposely throw himself back onto my lap and lay there with his head on my legs. When he did that he would not kick his feet or arch his back either. I think he just liked having the contact. At one point he toppled over and hit his head on the hard floor. He did cry then and I picked him right up and held him. He stopped crying as soon as I picked him up and he held on tight to me and snuggled his face into my arms.

He began to play with the toys more after time. There was a rattle with alot of things that spin that we brought for him and he really seemed to like it. He would hold it and if he dropped it he got mad. Mad meant another silent tantrum but we were pretty quick to pick up the rattle and give it right back to him if he dropped it. Frank would spin the spinners while Ilyas held the rattle and he liked to watch Frank do this. There was another little toy that he liked as well. It was a small toy that looks like a mini see and say and made vehicle noises and played wheels on the bus and had a light that flashed. There was a stuffed horse that has alot of different things on it and one of them was a crinkly picture frame. He liked the sound and feel of that but after awhile he put it in his mouth and he must have really not liked the way it tasted because he threw the toy and then wouldn't have anything more to do with it.

I tried to interact with him to get him to open up and show his personality. I would raise him up in the air and he really liked that. He would get a big smile on his face when he was up. We did that for awhile. I tipped him upside down and he liked that too. I did it once and then he tried right away to do it again. Later I was laying on my back on the floor and held him up above me. I would tip him down to bring his face right up to mine. We would touch noses and foreheads and then I would shake my head back and forth. He really loved this. I got a couple of giggles out of him doing this. It was a wonderful sound and an amazing feeling.

Frank did great with Ilyas in spite of not being able to hold him. He talked to him constantly and played with the toys with him. He tried to hold him again but Ilyas still didn't want him to hold him. So, Frank continued to talk to him and play with him and would touch his hands and stroke his hair to have contact with him. Before we left Ilyas held onto Frank's finger so there was some progress there.

Ilyas is a little snuggler. He loved to lay with his head in my lap or to cuddle up on my shoulder when I held him. If he was laying on the floor he was always right up against my legs and would peek up at me. He is such a sweet baby boy. It was very hard to say goodbye to him today. An hour and a half is just not enough time. I can not wait until tomorrow morning when I can see him again.