Soap Opera Sunday and Ben Part 2 (part one is here: http://www.twas-brillig.com/2007/09/15/sos/)

The first time Ben kissed me, I was completely and totally shocked. We were friends---granted, we were the kind of friends to snuggle up on a couch together with our arms around each other and LOOK romantic to outsiders. But still. Friends. Nothing more. I never ever saw that kiss coming.

It's not that I hadn't started to feel "that way" about him, but I was in denial about it. My roommates and friends would tease us and I would roll my eyes and remind them that he was way younger than I was and that I was NOT interested, etc. They all found it impossible to believe, of course. How could I be snuggled up late at night with a boy who looked like THAT and not feel something?

And, of course, they were right. But I would never admit it.

So, suddenly I find myself making out with him on someone's couch (I don't even remember where we were---some movie party with a bunch of people, but it was dark enough that no one knew what was going on over at our couch. Hahaha), trying to silence the voices in my head that were screaming "WHAT ARE YOU DOING?".

The movie ended, the lights came up, Ben and I acted as though nothing had ever happened. That night, as usual, I was interrogated by my roommates. Somehow I still couldn't admit that anything had happened between us, so I lied. I felt horribly guilty about it---like by denying it all I was saying that he wasn't good enough or whatever. I was so afraid that he would be so hurt.

Pretty soon, though, it became abundantly clear that he was denying it too. I wasn't clear on his motivation, and I really didn't care. He was my dirty little secret, and he wouldn't ruin that secret for me.

And we kept up our dirty little secret, meeting in strange places at strange hours.

One night, while we were making out in the front room of my darkened apartment, the front door flew open and a girl I knew from my Astronomy class charged in.

"They were right!!! They were right!!! Everyone's been trying to tell me that you two were together, but I refused to believe it! I'm gonna KILL you, Brillig, and castrate you, Ben!!!"

I sat up and said in a completely calm voice, "Ben? Why is there a strange woman in my apartment, screaming that she’s going to kill me and castrate you?"

"Oh, like you don't KNOW!" she shrieked, and stormed out.

Ben sat quietly for a minute, and then got up and ran after her.

*Join us next week, when we hear Brillig say, "you can't be here, Ben. I'm on a date!" *