So I think I've got this Christmas stuff down pat this year. Just the food shop to do on Chrismas Eve and I'm done. For the multitudes of Christmas professionals out there, who had their shopping completed in January, their hampers ordered by June and their caterers booked by september, do not scoff me, for this year I am more organiszed than I have ever been. So for me this is a festive feat to be proud of...

And I don't think I am alone, only last week I was asking work colleagues the question have you done all your christmas shopping?... which was met by a resounding nooooo, as we all hung our heads in shame - then one at a time realised we were all in the same boat, so left feelings of inadequacy behind and heading into a robust discussion dissing everything from endless queues, rude sales assistants and over pricing - to crying children, packed car parks and who does that fellow in the red suit with the cheery disppostion think he is disrupting our peace and usual boring routines....

But there's always one isn't there... no sooner had we launched into the 'I don't know what to buy...' routine when she pipped up from the back...'I brought all my gifts in the January sales...' Silence prevailed...

you could have cut the atmosphere with a plastic knife. 6 heads swung around to marvel at this specimen of letsshowtherestupas within our midst. And there she sat in her 'never has to be ironed' crisp white shirt ($12.99 from Paxters in the january sales)
smiling smugly at the rest of us.....

funny the noises a human can make when they don't actually want to be the first to make comment - or not make comment incase we have read this social interaction incorrectly and are in fear of making the biggest gaff of our lives. We sort of half grunt, or inwardly burp whilst letting air escape from the side of our mouths, then in pack mentality we look at each other and nod and then sycronise our disbelief in this smug specimen and snap our heads in her direction.... and then and this is the bit that really amuses me. We all become soppranos (men & women) and make a kind of high pitched cooing whilst exhaling air from gritted teeth and nasal passages, as we nod in agreement to each other!!

We in fact say nothing - because there is nothing to say. We know that we all should have acted exactly as this woman has, been organised, brought smartly and cheaply and then sat back and relaxed whilst every other human has to deal with head exploding stress in this time of celebration.

But.... because we haven't, we then pull together as one inadequate glob of disorganised shopping power and illicit fake stances on the meaning of chritmas. We berate her for taking the spirit out of christmas, acuse her of being mean spirited, after all who buys christmas prezzies in the January sale??? how does that show the art of giving, it doesn't it shows you to be mean and penny pinching and without the christmas spirit - you should be like us.... and wait for the christmas sales - when they put all the prices up by 20% and take them down by 10% so we think we are getting a bargin!

And God forbid the organised shopper discloses that they brought the same item as you, but for cheaper in the January sales... well thats hitting below the belt and the subsequent tongue lashing regarding self assured smugness and the fact the your work colleague is shit at their job and didn't deserve the promotion they just got....is well deserved and asked for - just ask any disorganised Christmas shopper..... we all agree.

Well on that note folks, I as millions of others around the world, will now sign off and head back into a mountain of wrapping paper, tinsel and glitter festooned with the real meaning of Christmas......the art of sharing.... Happy Christmas one and all