If I hear about the Mommy Wars one more time I am going to spit bullets. It is so demoralizing to listen to the debate about which mothers are better. Work or stay-at-home? Who is making the correct decision?

Who cares?!!!

EVERY MOTHER shares two things in common:

~~ We all want the best for our families and ourselves
~~ We all suffer guilt from time-to-time about the decision we’ve made

I work a full-time job because I have days like this…

I woke up to a dead car, which didn’t mean I couldn’t get to my job (since I work from home), but it did mean I couldn’t get to Starbucks. So I scrounged around the refrigerator for anything containing caffeine. Luckily, I found a leftover Pumpkin Spice Latte (insert joyous music) from the day before. This was a phenomenon of monumental magnitude because I NEVER have coffee leftovers. Once I’d heated my cuppa joe in the microwave, I snuggled in bed to read some Mom Blogs before my workday began.

I grabbed the cup from my nightstand and picked it up at its weakest point. I watched in slow motion as the cup slipped from my grasp and splashed bright orange fluid all over my beige carpet. I’m not sure which horrified me more, the Texas sized stain on my floor or the wasted coffee with no prospect of a replacement.

I rushed to the laundry room for Oxy Clean and noticed that I had wet clothes in the washer. I threw them in the dryer and turned on the machine. Remembering my initial mission, I grabbed the Oxy Clean and went to the bathroom to concoct the magical cleaning formula. I left the mixture to sufficiently dilute.

Fifteen minutes later, I returned to the bathroom to find that the bottle had erupted and everything on my countertop was submerged in Oxy Clean. As I cleaned up that mess, I dropped the bottle lid in the sink and turned on the water. Again, I watched in slow motion as the lid washed down the drain.

Suddenly, I heard the dryer groaning and lurching across the floor like Frankenstein greeting angry villagers. In hopes of averting certain disaster, I ran back to the laundry room. I opened the dryer door in time to cease movement, but watched as the dryer light burned out, throwing darkness over my previously animated, soggy laundry.

At this point, I could feel a knot of overwhelm forming in the pit of my stomach, urging me to go to the kitchen for chocolate. Torn between good and evil, I took the remaining Oxy Clean, saturated the carpet and threw towels over the stain.

Ten hours later, I heard a scream from our bedroom, not unlike that of a startled schoolgirl, as Sparky lifted the towels to reveal our now orange carpet.

I can only imagine the outcome of that morning if B-Dogg and Queen Hadlifah had been tossed into the mix. Sometimes it is better for them to be out of my bumbling grasp. This way they don’t lose any limbs in one of my fits of idiocy. Therefore, they can retain their love for their blundering Mama.

In recognition of this conclusion, I have decided to NO LONGER be dragged into the Mommy Wars. I will not defend my selection or ask another Mother to do so, either. Instead, I will support my sisters in their motherhood decisions. I do this for myself and I will do it for Queen Hadlifah. I want her to inherit a world without reprisal for her mothering choices.

In the meantime, I’m staying away from reheated Starbucks and light carpet.