I've decided to keep my story posted. I hope you find it encouraging!

"Titled Fight The Good Fight"

I am entering into a weekly challenge from Wrapped Emotions a new blog written by Melody at Slurping Life. Melody has asked us to express ourselves through "legal graffiti" this week. This is the first week I am participating and it is so interesting that using art work to bring our emotions to the surface is the project. Art in the past has played a huge roll in processing my stuffed, wrapped emotions. {The joy comes from unwrapping my emotions. The joy is experienced because I express, unwrap the darkness.}

My Story:
In 1983 I entered into a relationship that would change, impact my life forever; not necessarily for the good. I began to date a man who was kind, compassionate, very good looking and a budding professional tennis player. He also was a man who had come from a very abusive background. You see he grew up in Iran. His dad was CEO of Xerox and a native of the country. His mom was a native American. His family was very wealthy and to make a long story short he was kidnapped as a young child and abused. Back to us, our relationship. We fell in love quickly, I didn't see his pain and for two years we traveled and had loads of fun. Three years into the relationship he became abusive. Not physically but emotionally. I honestly can't explain the impact of the manipulation and emotionally abusive words. They just struck me so deeply. He did everything one could imagine to abuse verbally. I finally got sick of it and after a few horrible years of the abuse and bad decisions that I made which brought me deeper into confusion and pain; I left. Never looking back. It was over. What wasn't over was the pain, the damaged un-wrapped emotions. My life went on. I ran a business. Everything looked just perfect on the outside. On the inside I was being tortured. My emotions were pulling me deep into a miry pit that I thought I could never be pulled out of. In the year 1998 I reached out for help. I went to counseling. I was put on antidepressant after antidepressant, non of which worked but only made things worse. I then was sent to a doctor who specialized in Bipolar Disorder or Manic Depression. He was sure that I was Bipolar. He was positive. Well about six months into it he said "you are not bipolar but I am not sure what to tell you because no medication works on you." Well, I went on. I ran my business and almost drowned in my emotions. It wasn't until I was hospitalized for debilitating depression that I found a councillor, a mentor, a Marine, a Christ follower who would save my life. Ruben is his name. I felt very strange going to see him because he specialized in de-programming men and women in the service who suffered from post traumatic stress disorder. He diagnosed me after several months of doing his magic. He took my fragmented mind and gently put the puzzle pieces together to make me who I am today. What I went through in my relationship, emotional abuse was as damaging as any physical abuse could have been. It was hard for me to accept this because I am intelligent. How could I have let this go on? I was co-dependent to a fault. I saw his pain and wanted my love to fix it. I was young. Through my healing process I did a lot of art work. It was really the only thing that connected the dots in my mind!

I am putting my story out there for several reasons.

One, because there is nothing to be ashamed of if you struggle with depression on any level.

Two, I know that some struggle with deep depression there whole life. But know that it is something you can live with. Find a way to unwrap your emotions. Set your mind free. Art work is an amazing way to release tension in your mind. It does not matter what your art looks like. You do not have to be artsy. Just start, your wild mind will lead you, it will take over, you will be freed!

Three, Depression is real and painful. Please do not be ashamed to get help.

Four, Post Traumatic Stress Disorder is real, very painful and is usually brushed under the rug.

Five, Toni at Air Force Wife posted statistics about domestic violence. They hit me hard. One out of three women have been exposed to domestic violence but I am sure that not many receive help. October is Domestic Violence Awareness month so I thought it was good timing to share my story.
If you have been effected by Domestic Violence, know that their is hope, healing and you can move on to make wise relational decisions. Twelve years later; I am now happily married to an awesome man and we have two beautiful girls. I have a happy ending...

All though I no longer struggle with debilitating depression and I haven't for eight years. It is a part of who I am. My depression was caused by a circumstance. It was not hereditary. I do have people in my life that struggle with Bipolar and Borderline Personality Disorder. You can live with this. It won't suck you in. It can be released. Un-wrap your emotions. Start now.