Ever have one of those days? You know, the kind of day when your kids prove to you that you really are a failure at the whole parenting gig?

Have you ever wondered to yourself, "Who's kids are these? Why are they yelling at me? When will their parents come pick them up?"

Am I the only one that has renounced the title of Mommy and threatened to run away and join the circus?

Do you ever stare in bewilderment at the fruit of your womb as they morph into the spawn of hades?

Are you ever caught off guard by the whining and complaining of the short people in your home that you serve selflessly? Do they ever hate the food that you spent so much time buying and preparing? Or the clothes in their closet? Are mine the only ungrateful ones? Did I cause this somehow?

Have the words, "I hate this family, I want to run away" or "You're mean, you don't love me." Ever rolled off the tongue of your sweet cherub? Are you shocked by the disrespect and arguing produced by such "innocent" beings?

If not, then what am I doing wrong? What have I done to deserve this treatment? I'm not wish-washy. I have rules. I enforce them. I think I'm consistent. I come up with new approaches and solutions to manage this family.

Why didn't anybody warn me that this was going to be so difficult?

Oh, wait. I distinctly remember my mother pointing her finger at me and growling, "I hope you have one just like YOU!"

So, it's my MOTHER'S fault. She cursed me.
Yeah, that must be it.

...go to the cre8Buzz homepage and find yourself in the rankings and then check out who's ranked just before you and then go to their buzz profile and see what they've got that you haven't got and then become friends because they seem nice and everything but you also selfishly want to improve your rank and maybe that will help?

Yeah, me neither.

"When Daddy picks my nose, his fingers are, like, too big. They can stretch out my nose!!!"

-Little Sweetheart, age 4

“Mommy, why do I have to take showers more often now?”

“Because of the changes in your body that we talked about the other day.”

“Darn that pu-dilation.”

Shouldn’t there be a rule that if they’re too young to remember the word puberty, then they’re not ready to begin it?

Things I’ve said to tax customers:

“No, you can’t deduct your personal computer. I understand that you used it to take an online class, but it still is not considered a higher education expense.”

“Calling your boss from your cell phone does not make your cell phone bill a work related expense.”

“I don’t know how all of your friends got money back. You didn’t earn any income and therefore do not qualify for the earned income credit. You didn’t pay in any taxes, therefore you cannot be refunded any taxes…Again, I don’t know how your friends got money back. Maybe they had jobs.”

“Yes, the college is going to keep all the money you paid them and the IRS is not going to give any of it back to you.” (Another person who was not employed in 2007).

“No, if your cousin did not live with you, you cannot claim him as a dependent. Your brother, either. Hmm, no, not your friends child either, even if she isn’t filing a tax return for the tips she made stripping.”

“If you can’t remember her name, she probably wouldn’t qualify as your dependent.”

“I don’t have your extra $600 that you heard about in the news. You’ll get it in a few months. I don’t know exactly when. No, you don’t get it now. I don’t know exactly when. No, it will not come here, it will be sent to you. I don’t know when. I’m not keeping anything from you. I don’t know when……You’ll get it when President Bush mails it to your home address. If you have anymore questions about it, you’ll have to ask him.”

I love doing taxes. It keeps me entertained.