Gentle reader,

I had a life altering injury when I was a teen that left me with a few limitations and injuries that still remain. People say “AWW that’s awful, you are so brave/accomplished/sexy”. Well the sexy thing I made up but I say don’t feel sorry for me. Nay rejoice! My limitations have opened my eyes to a brand new world. Now I’m not gonna get all “My left foot” on ya and pretend that I have used my injuries to do some great feat that inspires others. No I just have a real good time with the way in which people are assholes and alternatively dumb at the say time.

It never ceases to amaze me how rude, dense and sometimes how conversely nice some people can be. In following, the people I speak of are in the former categories. They were already deemed asses and as such not deserving of my respect. Besides I would never insult a truly nice person, they are too hard to find.

So, with that said, enjoy.

I am at work and in the men’s bathroom doing my thing. Eyes straight forward as not too attract attention(see past posts about bathroom rules). A coworker enters, a guy that I have never met and says “did you know that you have a big scar on the back of your head”? I kinda froze, I wasn’t sure what to do. Went back to my desk a bit down and a buddy asked me why I was down. I told him and as I recounted the story I stared to get riled. I told my buddy that I don’t even know the guys name and thought it was beyond what could be considered a dumb comment. He agreed, said he knew of the guy and gave me his name. I sat there and thought about egging his car, breaking his nose, punching him in the throat. No I handled this monkee style. I picked up the phone and pressed *818, the code to talk over the pa system address the whole office of 112 people.

“Yes hello coworkers, I would just like to say thank you to David Smith for walking up to me in the restroom earlier and asking me if I knew I had a 6 inch scar on the back of my head. Up till this moment I had not, and if not for the brave words of David Smith I still might not be aware. Lets all give a round of applause for his great detective work and I would like to say that you should all make a point of going up to David’s desk as much as possible today to thank him, he might seem shy at first but keep trying. In fact if you have a fear that you might have scars, moles or any skin anomalies please ask David. Also please email all of your friends with Davids email address and ask them to flood Davids email inbox. Thank you”.

Needless to say I was suspended for a week, with pay. When I came back ,from my week-long vacation, David was gone and I was told that after two days of people haranguing him he just walked out the door.

So thank you David for the week of paid vacation!

http://www.monkeychapps.com/disabilities-no-uber-abilities-part-1/

I was talking with a friend the other day about how rude and angry some people can be. I told him that I had worked in customer service for a few years and had my life threatened and asked to step outside more than a few times. My reponse was usally the same, very polite and then I’d inform them I can’t meet them outside as I was still at work but I get off at 6. That usually worked, usually.

One guy walked in, started yelling as he threw his phone at me. Bla bla my phone don’t work. Bla bla you sold me a piece of crap. I let him go on for 20 minutes then picked up the phone and powered it on. I told him he had to hold the power button on for 2 seconds not just jab at it then cuss allot. He seemed embarrassed and complained how his service was so bad just to justify his tirade. He asked to use the restroom and I showed him the way then went back out to the floor as we were busy that day.

About 15 minutes later I heard my manager yell. I ran to the hullabaloo and saw him peering into the bathroom. Did someone slip and fall ? Why wasn’t he helping? I looked in the bathroom to see a huge steaming turd in the middle of floor. What maniac would do this? Did someone miss the potty by 5 feet? No, this was a revenge turd.

I was angry, disgusted and dare I say impressed. This guy was so mad that he summoned this demon from the netherworld and crouched in the middle of the room to let loose. He then walked out of the front door as if nothing happened. I cant imagine being so mad that I would just make #2 on the floor. I think the American Psychological Association has named this illness, Anger Pooping.

Anyways I hope that guy feels better and that ATT will charge him for the Bio-hazard team that we had to hire to clean up his chocolate rage.