Who doesn't enjoy an invitation to a good party? There's something about an invitation that makes you feel special... thought of... important enough to be included. Before my wife and I had children we may have been invited to some sort of social event once a month or every other month. Our social calendar was eminently manageable. All that changed when our daughters arrived on the scene.

When my oldest daughter first started going to day care, invitations to her classmates birthday parties started trickling in. I remember the first invitation like it was yesterday. Promises of fun, games, treats and the like were made. These were the incentives to lure you in. Kind of like a used car dealer. Well it worked. There we were at a childs birthday party watching hordes of three year olds running around all strung out on candy and soft drinks. I swear there was enough sugar energy there to power a small city, the Las Vegas Strip and the USS Nimitz all at one time. Ahhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhdiddddlllyyyyboooooooo.... Wooooooooooooohhhhhahbahjahhh..... Yeaaaahhhh....There was so much screamimg and yelling at the end of the party my ears were ringing as though I had just set up camp in front of the speakers at a Metallica concert. Then there was the pinata that apparently was made out of concrete with a titanium - graphite skin. The thing appeared to be made to survive a nuclear blast. The party kids parents must have thought a bunch of three year olds were as equally a destructive force. I don't think Jethro from the Beverly Hillbillys after an eight day fast could have busted the thing open. Somebody at the defense department should look into this. Somehow the candy did end up getting sprayed over an eigth of a mile pattern and more piercing shrieks went out. It was like something out of a movie, a horror movie.

After the big event was over I thought thank God we don't have anymore of those things scheduled. Was I ever wrong. It was as if we had all of a sudden joined some secret society and were on the top of the mailing list. The small trickle became Amazonian in size. There is now rarely a month that goes by that we haven't attended at least three birthday parties. We've done that in one day before. It's brutal!

I think kids bithday parties have become big business. There are water slide birthday parties, pony riding birthday parties, birthday parties at yacht clubs, themed birthday parties, Birthday Party party parties, Ollie Koala birthday parties, Chucke Cheese birthday parties, roller skating birthday parties, pool birthday parties, bowling birthday parties. If something can be done by a two to five year old, that same something has been morphed into some sort of childs birthday party. Hey kids.... today's party is an arguing that it's not time to go to bed party. Bring your best argument and by the way, the kid who can bust the International Atomic Energy Agency's certified pinata gets to stay up an extra five minutes. Now doesn't that sound like fun kids????

The last birthday party we went to was a bouncy house birthday party. The place was a huge gymnasium filled with various forms of inflatables. From obstacle course tunnels to huge slides. It was like a cool static display of the Macy's Thanksgiving day parade melded with some experimental grade school physical education. Actually, it turned out to be a lot of fun. But yet another example of how over the top birthday parties have become.

The latest invitation we received was to a Disney underwater Princess party. The invitation promised "It will be the most fun ever on land or sea". Really???? I don't know, I'm probably just a cynic, but I truly find that difficult to believe. But they have got to sell it. What if the invitation were truthful and said "Come to my Party where at least half of you will be disappointed in the goody bag. I promise it will be mediocre at best for you and probably barely tolerable for your parents". Now how would Sally get all those mountains of presents that her fifty two other classmates have garnered over the last three and a half weeks? She wouldn't. You've got to sell the party! Never mind if the sales pitch slightly stretches the truth. The sale is what is important. Attendance and presents are how you keep score.

I have a general idea of how I plan to sell my daughters next birthday party. The format and actual verbiage have yet to be worked out but it will be something like this....

Come to the World's best ever party ever. We'll start by flying to the moon in a candy rocketship that we can eat upon re-entry. We'll then land at the North Pole where Santa will be waiting to give you a full tour by personal reindeer ride. At the end you may have any gift you choose. From there we'll meander over to Winnie the Pooh's house where we'll hang out, eat honey and meet all of poohs friends. You can take them all home to your house if you like. Next stop is called Dream City. You think it up and we make it happen. This will be the party of all parties. Oh yeah... and bring an appropriate gift.

And for the readers of my blog.... You are invited.