I was recently invited to give advice on the sex part of a forum, Ask Dan and Jennifer. I've answered a few so far, and I think they've been pretty good questions (and pretty good answers on my part ^^').

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Husband prefers blowjobs, please help!
Since I had my baby a year ago our sex life seems to have gone down hill. Which yes I can understand why. It used to be twice a day, now it's a few times a week.

However, my problem is my husband seems to prefer a blowjob to sex. I have said when it's that time of the month I don't mind doing it for the week, everyday if he wants!
But for the other 3 weeks I want sex, yes blowjobs included but not all the way.
This afternoon he made it clear he wanted a blowjob, I started and then stopped because I could see it was all he wanted. He was disappointed and nothing else happened, no sex or anything.

We have talked about this loads of times and I actually thought he understood how crap it makes me feel.

Oh its great, knowing your husband wants a blowjob but not sex with you. It's not even like I get anything after or during giving him one.

I am so sexually frustrated. It just seems to be either a blowjob for him or a blowjob leading to sex (a quickie) I might add.

The problem is it has gone that far now I don't even come onto him because I feel he doesn't want me. Like I said, I have spoke to him about it and he says yes I understand I am sorry, it will be different.

We used to always watch porn together and I miss it, but there is no way I could watch it now because I feel so low about myself.

Advice please?
~Heaven

~~~

Hey there Heaven.

It's seems quite common that guys don't think in a balanced way when it comes to sex. Especially oral sex.

Going in a similar yet opposite direction of the post before me, his reciprocation is a good idea, but why not make a deal with it? You said you're sexually frustrated, why not make a bargain where you'll give him oral if he gives you oral. And if he's all up for that, but he is only half-hearted and you're still left unsatisfied, make it a deal where you'll give him a blow job every time he makes you orgasm. It doesn't matter if he likes it or not; I doubt you like doing it to him all that much either.

And while usually I don't condone trading sex for power, if oral sex isn't your thing, and he's really stuck on blowjobs, try exchanging your sexual favors for housework. Sounds a little odd, but you just had a baby, and I'm sure your list of chores and responsibilities has doubled and his hasn't changed all that much. So, for every time he makes the family dinner, mows the lawn, cleans the kitchen/bathroom, or does the groceries (perfectly), he gets a blowjob. Not right away, but when the time is right.

And if you don't like the idea of bargaining on this, than try more communication. You said he promises to change, but it seems he hasn't, so try simply restricting him. Be honest that you don't like doing it all the time (if ever), and tell him that until you are no longer sexually frustrated, you don't want to do it. Or that you can only give him oral for every time you have successful sex.

Or, just stop doing it altogether, and let him know that your choosing to stop. That you don't like it, it makes you feel bad/degraded, and that when you feel like it (or he deserves it), maybe it can happen again.

I know these sound...harsh, but you seem desperate in a way. Guys can be selfish about their sexual gratification, and you have to show that your gratification (sexual or otherwise) needs to be acknowledged and satisfied. Especially if you actually don't like giving oral. That doubles the problem. You do it for him, even though you don't like it, so he should at least do it for you, if not something else to please you in some way.

If nothing else, communication and understanding (in this case, understanding on his part), is key.

I wish you luck, I hope things work out.

<3
~Sin

I. I is for Innocence.
That imaginary attribute that people put so much value into.
Most modern girls hold onto their "virtue" for dear dear life.
While boys leave theirs in the dust as soon as possible.
Unfortunately, statistically, this can't work quite right unless that female virtue is lost one way or another.
Usually another, involving coercion and heartbreak.
This is typically accepted.

J. J is for Jizz.
......eeww.
Never mind.

K. K is for Kisses.
The most average, simple, and acceptable form of sexual expression.
A small motion made with your mouth.
That's it.
You kiss your friends. You kiss your siblings. You kiss your children. You kiss your parents. You kiss your lovers.
But hopefully not in the same way...

L. L is for Lesbian.
A woman who is attracted to and has sex with other women (exclusively).
While some choose the definition of a woman who ever has sex/ is attracted to women as a lesbian, I say it's only the ones who only like women, and not men. To me sexuality is lucid, so I keep to my own definitions.
Anyway.
Almost every man's fantasy; watching two girls have make out.
Why?
Who the fuck knows.

M. M is for Masturbation.
Self Love.
Jacking Off.
Jerking Off.
Wacking Off.
Jilling Off.
But really, haven't we've talked about that enough this month....

N. N is for Night.
Nighttime has often been associated with mystery, sin, and sex.
Nighttime is fun time, and nowadays all the best things happen at night.
Usually.
Even taco bell is open later to accommodate us night owls.
Usually, sexual activities occur at night.
But it's definitely not limited to it, not in the least.

O. O is for Orgy.
The more the merrier.
I actually only personally know a few people who have orgies, and sadly they're all old, semi-loser pseudo hippies, and I'd never want to see them naked.
But people fantasize about it all the time.
As if one lover to please wasn't hard enough.

P. P is for Porn.
Anal. Oral. Bondage. Rape. Orgy. Lesbian. Dick. Cunt. Pussy.
Hot. Squirting. Massive. Kinky. Throbbing. Barely Legal.
Combine any two or more of these nouns and adjectives, and you've got yourself a porn title/description.
I was once aroused by certain rough pornos and hentai, but that went away after a batch of really really really bad ones. Now they don't interest me at all.
But that doesn't stop the rest of the world.

Q. Q is for Queer.
The term (usually derogatory) used in reference to gay men.
Not women, they don't get the cool sounding word.
Also goes along with Queen, as in Drag Queen.
I suppose.
Queer guys are usually fun, adorable (even if more through personality than appearance), and know more about fashion and fun than you do.
But that's just the stereotype; it can't be close to true.
Right?

R. R is for Rough.
Some like it hot, some like it rough.
From bondage to sadism to asphyxiation to domination.
Whatever floats your boat.

Tie me up, pin me down.
Scratch my back, bite my neck.
Rule me.
Excite me.
Collar me.
Spank me.
As long as you
Like me.

S. S is for....me!
No. Really.
S is for Secret.
Throughout much of average people's lives, sex and their sexual activity is kept a secret.
From quickies in the bedroom while the 'rents are watching TV,
to hookers during a lunch hour,
to hiding your homosexuality,
lying about where you were last night,
and a keeping a secret closest full of sadomasochistic play equipment.
Unfortunately society makes us keep our sexual expression under wraps.
Silent.
Secret.
Safe.

T. T is for Testicles.
Like the boobs, testicles are jiggly little orbs of sex.
Unlike the boobs, they are rarely any fun to look at.
Often, however, they are fun to play with, if you're in the mood.
Creates and holds the sperm that will one day end up in a tube sock, napkin, condom, rectum, or some woman's baby oven.

U. U is for Uterus.
Which is actually a pretty scary word.
Female sex organ where babies grow.
I heard a joke once about how men spend nine months getting out of the vagina(/uterus), and the rest of their lives trying to get back in it.
Not much else to say about this.
Gets really fucking big when a womans pregnant.

V. V is for Vibrator.
The fun toys of the sex world made specifically for women's sex spots (and men's too sometimes).
Used mostly for the clitoris nowadays, with special ones shaped for the G-Spot, these are my favorite bedtime accessory.
No need for men. No need for time.
Just put this thing anywhere near your vagina (or anus/perenium for you guys) and your ready to go.
Plus, if you ladies can't orgasm during intercourse, try rubbing this one around on yourself during intercourse.
You wont have problems for long.

W. W is for Wedding.
For many many years, this was the first time most women would have sex.
Which is kind of sad, when you think about it.
This has been made throughout history to be the goal of womens life, and the end of mens.
Women, even today, spend their whole lives searching for "Mr. Right".
Or as Sex & the City has called him, "Mr. Big.
It's also sparked lots of controversy when it comes to gay marriage.
But really, how silly can you get? There is no logical reason for gay people not to get married.
I have little desire to get married.
It's a romantic gesture, and provides some interesting legal rights,
but really, it's unnecessary.

X. X is for X-Rated.
This was once the highest content rating a movie could get.
It pretty much meant that a movie was inappropriate for children.
Since the 90's its been replaced by the NC-17 rating, and is no longer actually used in the US,
while porn has inherited it for their shock value.
I like NC-17 movies better.

Y. Y is for "Yaz"
I didn't do a letter for condoms or contraception, so lets cover it real quick here.
Yaz is the birth control pill that I use.
I like it, and so far it's worked (I also always use condoms).
Yaz is one of many many many many many different brands and kinds of hormonal birth control.
You should try one.
I always stress the importance of contraception.
So here.
This is me stressing it.

Z. Z is for
...
you didn't really expect me to come up with a sex word for Z, did you?

From my blog, Sin's Secret.

A. A is for Apple.
I could have chosen Ass, Anal, or Asphyxiation, but no, I chose apple.
The Original Sin.
The crucial piece of evidence against poor, beautiful, sacred Eve.
A historical image of the mixture of nature and sex.
Crisp, delicious, and bright, sexy breezer red.

B. B is for Boobs.
These joyous orbs of love have been a symbol of sexiness for more years than just about any sex symbol, and in all those years men have given life, limb, gold, and gods to ogle them, feel them, taste, tease, and squeeze them, and made them an endless source of pain, pleasure, and annoyance to women everywhere.

C. C is for Clitoris.
And condom. And cock.
But lets stick to the important one.
The clitoris is the female sex organ that runs underneath the sides of the labia and up out of the tip, and (all together) is about the size of the average penis.
Bet you didn't know that.
This luv nub has one purpose and one purpose only; to create pleasure for the body it resides in.

D. D is for Dildo.
And Dick.
But their pretty much the same thing.
The great thing about a dildo is that it works just as well (if not better) than any dick out there, and doesn't have the asshole attached to it (read however ye will). The downfall, however, is that it can't cuddle with you or buy you expensive shit.

E. E is for Erection.
Useful for late night booty calls, not for early morning biology classes.
Fun to play with, occasionally fun to look at, and supposedly feels like "having an extra finger stretched out in your pants, taking the best feeling stretch in the world."
Whatever.
Erection=(masturbation X coming)^2

F. F is for Fuck.
Once was the only "curse" word I refused to say. I had this theory about it being the only curse word that actually began as a bad word (versus bitch, ass, and damn, which were their own words first), so it was the only one that shouldn't be said.
But then I changed my mind.
Is now my favorite word. (Right next to Quixotic)
Has a beautiful, harsh, sharp sound to it.
Mmmm...fuck....

G. G is for Geisha.
Beautiful images of the East, these represent both the beauty of female sensuality, and the traps of masculine rule.
Not the Asian whores we tend to classify them as, geisha were meant to be the perfect woman.
Quiet, beautiful, mysterious, and subservient.
Sex was not normally involved (until a certain point), but they were meant to be everything the men they served wanted.
Serving them, laughing at their jokes, praising them.
The stuff real women wouldn't do, so the guys have to pay for it.
Much like todays hookers, who men go to for their kinks.

H. H is for Hell.
This is apparently where I'm going.
I told my mother recently that I think one of her very christian friends hates me, and she said "No, I think she's just worried for your eternal soul."
But eternity is a very long time. And if I'm going to burn in it forever anyways, I might as well enjoy what I've got while I'm not tiptoeing over the flames.
But don't get me wrong, religion is very important for us stupid little mortals.
I, myself, am very religious, very spiritual.
You need something to have faith in. To believe in wholeheartedly. To follow brainlessly. To always defend and never really think about. To justify your prejudices with. To kill people for.
That's what religion gives you. That special something to believe in.
I believe...
in love.
Love is all you need.

For most, sex dating is an integral and important part of life, especially college life. Whether it’s a string of first dates/one night stands, the occasional couple dates, or a single long standing relationship, a very large portion of the college community finds themselves with some kind of love life at some point.

But as most of us know, dating can be expensive. A typical first date dinner-and-a-movie routine can run you up in numbers all on its own. The dinner part can typically run from twenty to fifty dollars, depending on where you go and what you get. Movie tickets vary from five dollars to twelve each, and snacks can have crazy high prices. On average, that’s about an average total of about fifty dollars so far, then add on the possibility of after movie drinks, coffee, or desserts, and you’ve spend a good seventy dollars of someone you may never even get to see again.
So to avoid spending an entire days worth of minimum wage pay on your next date, here are a few creative date ideas to get your next one going, on a slightly less expensive scale.

First off, don’t assume you have to impress too much on the first date. If this person is interested in you, a slightly less expensive meal on the first date isn’t going to keep him/her from being up for another one. You don’t want to stop by Wendy’s on the way to the theatre and demand she order from the dollar menu- you can save that for later- but don’t stress about going to the best of the best on your very first.

As for the movie, why not step away from the traditional box office hit, and go for something a little more classic- and affordable? Many cities have old theaters that show plays and classical movies for awesomely low prices. And don't forget to stop by your local Visitor Center to look for Coupon Books and Visitor's Guides, that could have either locations, or awesome coupons!

For cheap night time dates, a lot of websites and guides recommend going for coffee as an affordable alternative to offering a full meal. But while the setting is intimate, the drinks are good, and you feel a bit more comfortable, I disagree with the idea that it is typically affordable. Coffee nowadays isn’t just coffee, now is it? It’s lattes and frappuccinos and double mocha-latte-frappuccinos with foam, and those can add up.

So when getting coffee, try to steer clear of usually expensive chains like Starbucks and Port city, and go for the smaller privately owned places. These usually have cheaper prices, more privacy, and more variety. Look around. You're very likely to find a good coffee shop down the street or on the corner, or maybe just around it.

On a clear, warm day, the kind that only rolls around here once every few weeks, why not try something simple, like a picnic? The idea can seem silly, but a picnic can be very cute, and even romantic, if that’s the mood you’re going for, and it lets you spend one on one time with your date, which can be good too. Plus, this isn’t just a good idea for a first date, it’s a wonderful gesture on your first, fifth, or hundredth date.

And if you can’t cook, don’t worry about it. Just stop by a deli and grab some sandwiches and a side dish. Make some tea or juice at home, or grab some drinks. Good thing is that even after that expense, it’s still cheaper than going out for dinner. Then go get your date and make a little picnic at a nearby park, downtown, or even on a college campus. Afterwards you can go for a walk around the park. If you feel a little more adventurous, you could pick a weekend and make the hour or so drive to the mountains for a picnic and a hike instead. I don’t recommend this for first dates though, unless you already know each other, because you’re date may get a little creeped out when you’re driving in the middle of nowhere.

Now how about something more active? Try picking a weekday where neither of you have classes or work and give ice skating a shot. Look around for local skating rinks- ice or traditional. On a weekday afternoon, you can strap on some skates and make a fool- or hero- out of yourself for as little as five dollars a person. This is a great opportunity to learn something about your date, and just have some fun.

For girls looking for a night out, try clubs and bars where you know you wont have to spend a lot of money. Watch out for Lady's Nights, where girls get in free or half off before a certain time. Clubs are a great way to have a good time and shed some calories, and you don't have to spend a lot.

When it comes to sex safety, I have the luxury of being a student at a college where the Med Center has a lovely big bowl of condoms in the lobby, so I make sure to grab at least four or five every time I'm even passing through the building. I recommend this to anyone who lives near a campus or clinic. If they're in a waiting room or hallway and someone asks what your doing there, just say your looking or waiting for someone, and grab a handful when they walk away. Yeah, it's kinda seedy and low, but, personally, I'd rather you do that than go without them.

DON'T try to use plastic wrap or gloves as a cheaper alternative to condoms during any type of intercourse. For oral sex, yeah, saran wrap is fine, but never ever for intercourse. It breaks, whether you think it will or not.

Dating can be expensive, but with the right ideas- and coupons- you can do just about anything affordably. So be fun, be safe, and be affordable.

From my blog, Sin's Secret

Sex. One word, a million possibilities for pleasure, pain, and controversy. In television, movies, music, clothes, games, and even books, you'll always find sex. Modern society has proven that you can put it in just about anything, and we will eat it up. Last year the worldwide "adult" industry generated over 97 billion dollars. Hollywood release 11,000 adult movies per year, and over 60% of all web sites visited are considered sexual. In fact, 40 million US citizens make <0001pt; line-height: normal;">
I have a friend who has had more sexual partners than you could count on a few hands. But for the longest time, she was horrified at the idea of talking intimately about her encounters- unless it was to make dirty jokes. Why the timidity? It seems she found the subject too awkward and- get this- gross.

To me there is nothing more important to talk about than sex. From the time we hit puberty (and sometimes before then) sex is a part of our lives, whether anybody wants to admit it or not. If we can't talk about it, how can we ever really be comfortable with this huge part of reality? Not to mention ever really become informed on the subject. If you can't talk to your lover, friends, or (on occasion) your parents about your sex life, how would you manage to talk to them about the important things that come along with it? Pain, pregnancy, infections, preferences, etc, are so much harder to talk about when you're not used to discussing the general subject.

And beyond that, what about the good things? How will your partner know which things he or she does that you like, or what you want to do together, if you are too uncomfortable to talk to them about it? A good group of girlfriends can be the best source of suggestions on how to make your sex life better, yet so many girls are too shy to bring up these "dirty" topics in public. And despite what people may think about the promiscuity of college students, so many of us are uninformed about the topics that can mean the most, typically thanks to constricting parents and faulty Sex Education classes.

And for clarification, let's break down the word. For me, foreplay, positions, contraceptives, Sexually Transmitted Infection's (STI's), gender preferences, relationships, lubricants, bondage, music, toys, oral, lingerie, fantasies, and so, so, so much more are all part of the grand category of sex, and they all just ache to be talked about. Sex and sexuality is not something you can just put into a box and say "This is sex." It is so much more than that.

So here I am, ready to talk about it. All of it. Those things I know of intimately, along with those I haven't yet experimented with. I'm not here to flaunt my limited experiences and gush about my sex life, and I'm definitely not here to lecture on safety or abstinence. I just here to talk (and maybe answer some questions about) the things that need to be talked about. The good, the bad, and the pleasurable. Because that's what sex is.

This is my stance on sex: It happens. It's life. Admit it. Now lets get over it, and talk.