All is well but I'm not.. Im baffled with myself for things are the way I want it to be but I am not adapting to it.Naturally I am not..

What more could I ask for.Is it because it feels too safe??? Ironically,after watching "Basic Instincts" last night,I felt like I really could relate to it.LOL.

Crazy~.Cause Ms Stone was a seductively insane character.Sadistic,I'm not that part.Alright... Its more like I could relate to the part when she spoke about her "fetish" for risks..

Looking back,Ive always been the person who would go ahead with what I wanted,in spite of the consequences.. I backed this up with the reason of not wanting to regret;not pursuing what I wished for.To a certain extent,I do realise,it is not such a healthy trait for a person to think likewise but somehow,it leads one on a rough path,where you learn things faster and in a much harder way.

I try to keep things simple and easy.Not complicated.Therefore,it saves me for time to invest in safer expeditions.Keeps me outta trouble and perhaps I get to relive the dream of leading the life of an ordinary person.But changes excite me.Trouble does not.I look forward to something NEW each day,Be it good or bad,it has to be make a difference from yesterday.

I need to get out and have some fun tonight...
Half hearted but i guess I have to force myself out..
It's not easy,especially when my heart says to do otherwise.. to get on the cell p. and call but at second thought I am sick and tired of being the only one who's concerned about making things work.

Anna,doesnt wanna head out cause shes just missing her long-distance bf so much, she complains of cramps... Its weird but then again.. shes not faking it..so i guess, missing someone does give you cramps.. when you miss them so badly???Id that's true why am i not getting any similar symptoms??

How does one get so strong and ignorant all of a sudden and not give a hoot about watever has been going on all these years??

I dunno.I'll end here.

God,help me.

Everythings not oblivious to me,neither am I blind as to what's goin on.

It's juz so hard for me to let go and I beg God for the strength to pull myself out of this quicksand.
The sudden change in routines is such a "culture shock" for me..I dunt think I can stand and keep walking just accepting it.

You hurt me in the worst way,insulting and making me feel ever so small.You brag about your strength to move on and your love for me has changed but the biggest pain of it all,is my love for you is still the same..

God please help me.I am so alone in this.I need to step up and get myself out.I really need to.But i can't lie to myself.Please God help me.


Its over..Its hard. But I guess,things happen for a reason...

;`(

You aren’t gonna be his first, his last or his only...
He’s loved before, he will again.
But he loves you now, what else matters? He’s not perfect. You aren’t either.
The two of you will never be perfect but if he can make you laugh at least once, cause you think twice and admit to being human and making mistakes, hold on to him and give him the most you can. He is not going to quote poetry, he’s not going to be thinking about you every moment but he will give you a part of him that he knows you could break. Don’t hurt him.Don’t change him.
Don’t expect more than he can give. Try not to over-analyze.
Smile when he makes you happy. Yell when he makes you mad and miss him when he’s not there.