To read more posts like this, be sure to check out my blog at: http://saydada.blogspot.com

While waiting at a traffic light, I often find myself surrendering to boredom. It’s not surprising given that the average person spends six months of their life waiting at stoplights. So, to curb the tedium of the wait, I try to keep myself occupied. One way is to honk at the car up ahead of me. When the driver looks back in his or her rearview mirror, I wave excitedly. I then mouth the words, “Alexander Fleming discovered antibiotics,” and then give them the thumbs up. I figure there are rare occasions when the driver can read my lips and must think: “That guy just said something about Alexander Fleming. I must’ve had Biology with him in high school.”

Reading bumper stickers is another way to help the time pass; although, when it comes to mobile entertainment, it can get a bit frustrating, especially if you can’t read.

I saw a bumper sticker the other day that read, “Christianity has Pagan DNA.” Immediately I began profiling the female driver: Early twenties. Raised Catholic. Became a hippie in an act of parental disobedience. Didn’t really work, her mom still complimented her tie-dye shirts and earthy sundresses. Decided she really needed to revolt. Found a book about Wiccans. Read half the book. Became a “witch”. Mom and dad were upset at this announcement, not because they knew anything about the Wicca religion. Rather, they thought people who called themselves witches enjoyed sacrificing small animals to Satan. And so, they called her transgression a sleight against God. She liked that. And when she stumbled upon this particular bumper sticker, she had to have it. “It’ll look good,” she thought, “on the back of my Jeep Cherokee that mom and dad bought me for graduation.”

I had to give this girl some credit though. Choosing just one bumper sticker that is able to wholly broadcast your personal grievances must be tough. How do you choose it? That would have to be just as difficult as deciding on one tattoo. Do I want my mom’s name on my right bicep, or do I want the Tasmanian Devil on my left ankle? Six of one, half dozen of the other.

Bumper stickers—for those of you who treat your automobile as a traveling political billboard—are the lowest form of protest. Every time I see a, “Wal-Mart: Low Wages, Low Morals – Always” bumper sticker, I want to go shop at Wal-Mart. When I see a “Honk if you speak English” sticker, I don’t honk. As for the guy with the “Cars are the Problem, Not the Solution” sticker on his Jetta, apparently he appreciates incongruity more than I do.

The other day I pulled up next to a girl that had a bumper sticker that read, “Equal Rights for All Species.” And so I took it upon myself to address her outrageous assertion. “Are you crazy?” I yelled out my window to her. “You’re not giving my cat the right to bear arms. That little shit would shoot me for having him de-clawed!”

Come to think of it, the only bumper sticker that I’ve seen as of late, that wasn’t at all misleading read, “Friends don’t let friends drink Folgers.” I can get behind that one-hundred percent. Flavor crystals are not natural! You wouldn’t want your friends or family consuming coffee with crystals would you—crystals that dissolve in water nonetheless?

Bumper stickers are merely blinkered statements intended to rile other motorists. They seem especially combative now in a time of considerable partisan divide. If for some reason you’re disillusioned and believe that slapping your views on the back of your car is opening up dialogue on your particular belief, you’re gravely mistaken. The only response you’re receiving from those on the other side of the argument is name calling, or perhaps even the occasional disgruntled honk of the horn…an act made that much more humorous by the tinny squeak of a Toyota’s horn, I might add.

Do you recall sometime back when Christians began putting the ichtus on the back of their cars? No sooner than they did, evolutionists started putting fish with feet on the back of their cars. It took a little while, but Christians finally retorted with bumper stickers that read, “Fish Don’t Have Feet.” The only way that evolutionists could continue the debate is if they would have made bumper stickers that read, “We’re not saying that fish have feet. We’re simply trying to illustrate that there were some prehistoric fish-like creatures that evolved into land animals and subsequently, after a million or so years developed into various species of apes. It is our theory that a specie of ape eventually evolved into Man.” Unfortunately, that bumper sticker would be too verbose.

My point? Don’t use bumper stickers to publicize your convictions. Between you and me, no one cares. If you truly believe in something, just go out and fight for it.

To read more posts like this, be sure to check out my blog at: http://saydada.blogspot.com