We finally had a sunny day here! I put my pasty, white skin right out into those warm UV rays because everybody knows that fat looks better when it's tan. I don't want to be the only soccer mom still wearing a turtleneck and snow pants because my legs look like ricotta cheese.

That's when it became painfully obvious: bloggin' is makin' me fat.

I attribute this to the amount of time I spend reading all the great blogs I'm discovering. How's one supposed to workout when I'm caught between an online quilting lesson and how to speak Italian?

Also, thanks to Easter candy clearance sales, I'm eating jelly beans at the rate of one jelly bean per paragraph. I don't know how we came to celebrate the Resurrection of Christ with colored Whopper eggs, but I'm apparently still celebrating. It seems only fitting that I would come across this website: www.bod4god.org

You can actually compete with other church members in the more subdued version of the Biggest Loser. How great would that be? I can just imagine walking into the church service, sizing up the competition.

The whispers are probably audible when the offering plate is passed and deacon Jim is looking good. "Wow, Jim, looking good. Can I have your recipe for low fat fritters?"

Maybe the church secretary could post the results in the bulletin, right between the Apostles Creed and hymn #556.

Seriously though, it's a great idea. I need to compete in order to lose. Is that sad or what?

I was at the hair salon in the middle of a foil weave when it happened. The young girl doing my hair let loose a string of words so repulsive I froze to the chair, my face in taut anguish.

"What did you JUST say?" I croaked.

"Oh yeah, most of the contestants on AI this season are planted there by the producers. They have performance experience, some have record contracts," she replied in a high pitched valley girl voice.

"How do you know," I asked, outwardly nonchalant, but inwardly ready to protest this youthful foolishness with verbiage vehement enough to send her crying to her momma.

"I read about it on these web sites," she continued, oblivious that all color had drained from my face and she may as well have been working at a morgue. Everybody knows that if you read about on the web, it must be true.

I'd heard about such Internet chicanery during the Sanjaya era, but with little consequence or interest.

But this-this heresy! American Idol is about rewarding the little guy, the American Dream, the rags to riches story, it's Rocky Balboa. It's quintessential Horatio Alger.

Or is it?

I visited this web site and to my horror, I discovered more about American Idol than I ever wanted to know. I also saw a lot of lewd advertisements, just FYI. And I'm not taking about ads for graduate school. Sometimes the truth lurks in dark places. Disclaimer: I'm not promoting this site or their antics, just using them for the research provided.

The contestants allegedly 'planted' on the show are Carly Smithson (Has a CD);

Kristy Lee Cook (signed with Arista Nashville, scheduled to perform with Britney Spears in her debut video); Michael Johns (not his real name) Jason Castro, Sayesha Mercado, David Archuleta and Brooke White.

Some are worse offenders than others. David Cook is a front man for a band, but so was Chris Daughtry. But, hello, I'm B-L-O-N-D-E, not stupid. There's a difference, buddy.

If you're going to bill a show as, how did Randy Jackson put that, "We're out to find the best undiscovered [talent] and really herald that,” than they had better be undiscovered. I don't want to see David Archuleta singin' on the Jenny Jones show!

Now I'm distraught. Are we all tapped out of America's undiscovered talent so we have to use the 'less discovered' talent but with Hollywood connections?

This is like finding out that the salad I've been eating for lunch for the past seventeen years has like 107 carbs in it, even though it's under the 'healthy choice' section of the menu.

You can check out details HERE and decide for yourself.

Among those not a plant: Amanda Overmeyer and Chikezie. I loved Amanda and her royal Janis Jopliness and Chickezie is the original snack that smiles back. How can you NOT love this face?

Anyway, see for yourself if you must. I wish I could forget everything I'd heard in the salon.

Especially the cost of a foil weave.

Seriously, where have I been? A friend recommended this site and I'm so glad she did. I wish I knew about it sooner. I feel like someone who has just discovered the Rubik's Cube, a couple decades late.

People have been so nice and helpful, even though I'm currently clueless and violate internet etiquette. So sorry, I'll learn. If you see me commiting a flagrant cyber faux pas, please let me know! I don't want to be the dork at the party with my fly unzipped the whole night because nobody will tell me.

I spend most of my time teaching the MySpace generation. It's oh so nice to chat with real grown ups in grown up language and not text talk. ROFLLOLKUMBGTRQ? Yeah, I don't know what that means, I just made it up.

There's such a variety of blogs here and I'm excited to learn something new from each of you.

Thanks for having me! Now, I have to go beat the high score on Donkey Kong.