I was diagnosed just over a year ago now with MS!! And boy what a year that has been!!!!

I remember my first symptom well, i was sitting on me bed and my right hand went pins & needly! i thought nothing of it. About a week later my hand went completely numb, i couldn't use it at all.

So off to the dr's i went!! he sent me to a Neurologist who sent me for a MRI scan!! I wasn't too worried at the time, as we were about to move house, so it all got put to the back of my mind. Well the scan came back normal and the neuro put it down to stress! Well we all know how stressful moving can be?!!

About 4 years later, the pins and needles came back, tho this time my whole arm was affected. off to me gp, again, who sent me for further tests, this time tho, he mentioned MS! I slightly panicked, but hey life goes on!!!

I had 1 normal MRI on me brain, this came back clear, so got sent for another on head,neck & Back!! This showed up areas of dodgeyness!!! Neuro sent me for a Lumbar puncture. Now this i was terrified of, but it was a lot better than i had imagined. No after headaches, just a bit of back ache and feeling uncomfortable. Before i had my LP, i went blind in me right eye!! so got put on steroids.............. boy did they send me nutty, i was out of my head, couldnt sleep, starving hungry and horny!!! Well life went on, i waited for appointment with neuro.

About a month later i discovered i was pregnant. We were so excited, as we'd been trying for 6 years. we made plans, ya know like ya do!! i felt really great being pregnant, then at 11 weeks i lost the baby. We were totally devastated, i cant begin to explain the pain and anger i was in.

I blamed the MS,and mostly me. It was my fault. I cried for weeks, it really took a long time to come to terms with (tho i dont think ya ever do)!! I went into a relapse pretty quickly after the miscarriage!! Dizzy spells, numbness from the waste down, arms, legs everywhere just numb! I really resented having MS!!

Christmas was fast approaching, but i really didnt want to celebrate. My baby would have been due just after christmas!! But with the support of my partner and son i got through it! God knows how, cause i was a wreck, emotionally and physically.

New year came and went!! Days just merged into each other!!It was about that time i started looking at the MS society and MSRC websites! I looked but didnt want to participate cause i still didnt accept i had MS, even tho my body was telling me otherwise!

I cant explain the pure physical exhaustion of MS, only another person with the condition can fully understand. I am constantly tired, i have a good 8-10 hours sleep a night but 2-3 hours during the day! i walk to our local shops (about a 2 min walk) and i am exhausted! I have to sit down and rest. MS is a cruel condition as we may look fine on the outside, but inside we have muscle spasms and pain! our bodies just dont do what we want them to!

Eventually i went into the MSRC chatroom, a daunting thing, but i felt ready to talk to people who knew what i was going through! Chatting in there, made me realise i had accepted MS, to a certain degree! The laughter and support is 2nd to none. I am so glad i joined in. I've made some really great friends and its shown me that life doesnt end because of MS.

I have now decided the time is right to look into starting medication! I just want to feel better, praps they will work, who knows, but i know i cant go on like this!

I will blog more, as decisions are made. Thank you for reading xx jac xxxx

To be continued when me hand stops hurting!!