pee. I am so stressed out about this retention issue. I am afraid to wake up tomorrow in pain, unable to pee. I can’t sleep. I tried to ease my mind by looking up some info on my Neurogenic Bladder on the internet and it has only made matters worse. I know better. Now I have the images of past foley experiences running circles in my mind. Imagining self cathing is not helping my insomnia. How strange is it to be so exhausted but you can’t sleep?

I have been so tired this week from the Tysabri, it has caused some not so good fluctuations in my blood pressure which already drops too low. I am dizzy and clammy and shaky and t-i-r-e-d. So I am whining here and I know it. I feel like a baby actually, maybe even a 3 year old kicking and screaming on the floor. I don’t want to be going through this crap. I am sick of Dr appointments, hospitals and meds. I want a break from this MS, Spine and Body of mine. I could take a break but where would that leave me. No, I know I have to deal with this bladder of mine, and if my spine is a culprit, it has to be dealt with. Ignoring it will not make it better.

Waa…waa.waaa.waa.waaaaaaaah! Here my crying yet? Oh what I would give for a blankie and a good snuggle right now. I am ok, I really am, I just feel a little beaten down physically which is draining my mental & emotional facilities too. I think I am going to try to do my Dahn Yoga DVD For MS tomorrow if I am up to it. Maybe a little of that and a cup of tea will do me a world of good.

This physical medicine doc I used to have, who never gave up on me, told me at my very first visit with him “If you were a horse they’d shoot you.”

Yup. That pretty much sums up how I feel right now.