I Dream of Howie

I had an odd dream a few weeks ago. In the dream my husband had traveled to another country (it was not revealed in the dream which country) to adopt our next son. For some reason I did not go at all. My husband did everything on his own. He traveled, met a child, made the decision to adopt him and completed the adoption.

My dream started with him arriving home with a beautiful older boy and presenting him to me as our new son. I knew nothing about this boy. I had to ask him how old he was. He said that he was 9. I don't understand why he would have been 9 since it is much older than we want to adopt and he did not look 9, he looked more like a 5 or 6 year old. Maybe he said 5 and I just heard it as 9. Is it possible to misunderstand something that is said in your own dream? I then asked him when his birthday was and he said January. It didn't seem odd to me that he was speaking and understanding English for some reason. I asked his name and I can not remember what he said. I only remember that it was a foriegn name I had never heard before and it started with an H. My husband told me that he had been calling him Howie for short. The boy said that he liked being called Howie.

My husband told the boy that I was his new mama. I held out my arms to hug him and he pulled back and clung to my husband. That is how the dream ended.

I am not sure what all of this means... if it means anything. I think I get the thing at the end though. Since my husband made the 2nd trip to Kazakhstan alone to pick up Baby Boy, when they got home Baby Boy wanted his daddy to be the one to take care of him. They had just spent 2 weeks together and he was the person he now trusted to care for him. It took a couple of weeks or more for Baby Boy to really start looking to me to care for him as well. I really feel like I missed a lot by not taking that 2nd trip. It was a bonding experience that he and my husband had that I will never get with him. So, in my dream I think the fact that Howie wanted his daddy and not me was a reflection of my feelings on that.

I am feeling more and more drawn to the idea of adopting an older child. It is the option pulling strongest at our hearts right now. Is little Howie out there waiting for us somwhere?