... Or should I say is. I mean, He ain't dead, isn't what all the fuss is about? More like a zombie, I'm guessing. Look, I'm not being blasphemous here, I'm just trying to get the facts straight. I have always been one to care for a clear perspective of the world, you see.

So, back in those days life was quite a blast. He had his posse (with chicks and everything), the meal was on Him all the time, you didn't need expensive medical insurance because if you needed, say, your leper cured, you just had to ask Him! Sure, He had a bit of a problem with the authorities, but who doesn't? Also on the downside, you had to walk everywhere, but that was fun too actually, you were like on a perpetual peripatetic summer camp festival. Nothing to worry about at all. No homework, no rent, no grocery shopping, no malfunctioning wireless servers. Nada! I wouldn't even gasp if they were rolling a fat one during the evenings in front the fire, where everybody was encouraged to tell their life stories, talk about comics (cos there weren't movies in those days, dah) and, of course, share some love experiences. Wasn't it all about LOVE, as the single most quintessential thing in the God created universe? I bet He was patient too, he listened carefully to everybody in a totally non-judgmental way and had a word of advise at all times.

My question is, what the fuck happened ever since? How the fuck did it all come to that ostentatious display of gold and lavishness and cornucopia that is, excuse the word, the church? Have you seen Vatican? It's obscene! I mean, apart from Michelangelo, Rafael, Donatello, Liberace and the other turtles, everything there is a blasphemy to the memory of this lovely chap.

So, ladies and gents, for those of you celebrating the catholic easter, without further ado, let me give you back The Buddy Christ, the very one from the set of the off-biblical (way off!) movie Dogma, one of my old time favorites.