I would like to share my experience. This is also one of the reasons why I chose "Shower your children with love -the right way" as my blog's title, to remind myself to love them but not to spoil them, to love them and let them love me in return, to love them and to be their friend.

Have you been wondering why children tend to listen to what their friends say instead of listening to their parents? This is what we call Peer Group Influence. This influence can be positive or negative and it will post a threat once our children become teenagers. However, early peer group influence is still considered manageable as our children are still young and they can still be molded.

My experience with early peer group influence:

Karl is now 6 and he is now in pre-school. Sometimes, he would come home with behaviours, attitudes and speech that piss me off and kept me wondering where he learn that from. We have no ASTRO at home but Karl came back talking about BEN10. I didn't know what was that initially and later I got to know that it was a cartoon character that can transform himself into 10 different forms. Now, Karl began to make BEN his idol. He even changed his name to BEN! He would write "BEN" as his name in all his worksheets. My hubby and I knew that we have to do something about this and so, we had a talk with our little 6 year old. First, we asked him why he likes Ben so much and he told us that Ben has super powers and he is a hero. Then, we told him that nobody in this world has that kind of super powers and that Ben is only a cartoon character and is not real. Karl did not accept that so easily. So, we tried another approach. We asked him what he feels about Karl (himself) and he said Karl is a good boy. We then told him: "Karl, why don't you try to be yourself? try to be confident about yourself and think of what you can do best so that one day, everybody will know you and "Karl" will be a great name everybody will remember." I think that boosted his confidence and now, he doesn't tell me that he is BEN anymore.

Another incident:

I remembered there was once when Karl was with a friend and this friend of his told Karl to beat a girl's butt. Karl did that and I was so shocked! I drag him aside and ask him why he did that. He told me he did it because his friend asked him to do it. Then, I started thinking why children change their behaviours just to fit into a group. Then, I had a conversation with him:

Me: Karl, who do you think the girl will blame? You or your friend?

Karl: Me.

Me: Who will your teacher punish for that naughty act? You or your friend?

Karl: Me.

Me: Then, do you like to be punished?

Karl: No.

Me: Do you think beating a girl's butt is a right action?

Karl: No.

Me: So, if your friend ask you to do something not right, do you still want to do it?

Karl: No, mummy.

Me: That's right. Your friend can say many things and ask you to do many things but Karl is a good boy and a smart boy. You should think first before believing or following your friends. If you do not know whether it is right or wrong, you can come home and talk to me. I am your best friend, you know?

Karl: (Hold my hand) Ya, mummy is my best friend. Sorry mummy.

Communication is really an important tool to enhance parents-children relationship. However, that's not all. It's rather difficult to be our children's BEST FRIEND. Why many parents fail to be their children's best friend? How can we be our children's best friend? Why must we be their best friend?

To be continued:

Part 2: http://love4kids.blogspot.com/2007/10/be-your-childrens-best-friend-part-2.html

Part 3: http://love4kids.blogspot.com/2007/10/be-your-childrens-best-friend-part-3.html

This is one of my blog posts. I'm taking Ian's advice to post some of my blog posts here. Do give me some comments.

Here goes:

What do you want in your child? Do you want a child who is very obedient?

Every parent would love to have children who are very obedient. Who wouldn’t? At least, it would save you all the yelling, spanking, headaches and heartbreaks. The very obedient child would listen when you talk, do whatever you want him to do and follow instructions. Wouldn’t it be perfect to have this type of children?

Think again.

I know of a boy who would shrug his shoulders and say “I don’t know. Ask my mummy.” every time a question is asked including questions like “What do you like?” and “Which do you prefer?” He would do whatever his mother asks him to do and to me, he doesn’t have a mind of his own and he is just like a robot being remote controlled. I for one would not want my children to be THAT obedient.

Read on.

I attended a workshop on Sxual Abuse Prevention by PS The Children one Sunday and that workshop makes me think a lot about how we train our children. Obedience is one trait that would benefit the sx offender. I was shocked to know that 85% of the sx offenders are people the children know and love while 15% are strangers. So, when we teach our children to obey their parents or elderly and do whatever they say, we are actually teaching them that it is wrong to say “NO” when they find certain touches to be bad and uncomfortable. Many cases of child sx abuse involve father and daughter which means children are not even safe in their own home!

We were taught to teach our children this “Say No, Run and Tell” when they feel uncomfortable to someone’s touch or when they feel uncomfortable seeing something or when they feel something is not right.

So, when your children say “NO” to you, we should feel happy that they dare to speak up when they dislike something and when your children have demands, we as parents should feel happy that they know what they want. As long as the children know their limits and that we do not give in to each and every of their demand, I would say having children who are not “merely following instructions without thinking” is great.

I'm so new to this community but everyone is telling me that it's fun. I would really appriciate if I can get all the support and help as I explore.

I hope to meet more people, get more ideas and learn along the way.

Thanks for inviting me, Joe. I truly appreciate it.