She set the final bowl of food on the table and eased herself into her seat with a contented sigh. Looking around the room with a self-satisfied grin, she gestured to the mountains of food on the table.

“What are you all waiting for? Dig in.”

The voices around her gave her thanks and chatted merrily together. She loved when the girls got together for dinner. It was always a pleasure, even if they did waste so much food. She seemed to be the only one who ever ate anything for some reason. But she loved being the hostess. She loved the companionship even though she always wished they would go away before the meal was over. It was either that or end up sitting in silence every night. Luckily, they visited her more regularly now although she wished they would give her some more notice.

All the same, it was better than being alone. But they were so noisy. She didn’t want the neighbours to knock on her door yet again asking her to keep the noise down. She couldn’t help it if the girls were loud. She wasn’t loud. It wasn’t her fault. But still they got louder and louder, one voice shrieking to be heard over the others. It was always the way. It always poured bitter feelings on a lovely evening.

She interrupted the conversation to ask them to quiet down. One by one they turned on her, calling her stupid, telling her she was worthless. She was nothing without them. She could never be anything without them. How dare she try to silence them? Who did she think she was? The truth was, she couldn’t think. At least, she couldn’t think straight when they were around. They shouted over her, over each other, tried to force themselves to the front, always trying to outdo each other, always trying to take over. She couldn’t handle it for long.

The harsh voices soothed to a dull roar as she held her head in her hands. So many voices. Shaking her head, she tried to push them away. Her head ached with the effort; it felt like so much pressure on her temples, on her mind. She sighed with relief as the shouts faded to whispers and looked around her. She looked at the empty chairs, the empty plates, listened to the fading voices and wondered why she had to be alone.

All alone...except for the voices. And the constant reminders that without them, she would be nothing. That was why her pills were still in that little plastic container. If she took them, she would be entirely alone. She couldn’t let that happen. Not yet. She didn’t want to be by herself. No matter how painful the voices were, she needed them with her for a little while longer.