The last few weeks have been rough.
What should have been a happy, joyful time has made me sad and angry. My cousin, who is more like a sister, had twins on the 12th of Sept. After a hard, troublesome pregnancy, she gave birth to two beautiful boys. Logan and Riley were 3 months early, but my cousin was assured that they were okay. Doctors told her that the boys had the ‘typical’ problems that babies born this early have. Everything seemed to be okay, then we get a call that Riley died. He died. A baby. I am so angry. I am not a religious person. I’m not really sure what I believe in as far as our ‘creator’. I figure there must be something beyond this place, someone that created all of this, but not sure what it is. This is where my anger starts. If there is a God, why take a baby? Why give Alicia hope after all the problems she went through during the pregnancy (the boys had twin to twin transfusion)? Why let him make it through the laser surgery and give them all that hope, just to have him die 4 days after his birth?? I know I will get the typical god has a plan.. whatever.
I have been holding on the this anger inside for the last few weeks. Then yesterday morning, I get a call that a woman I am fairly close to has died. I am part of an organization called the International Order of Job’s Daughters. These people are my extended family. The woman that died, was in our bethel. Her daughter is our Honored Queen (the head of the Bethel). Sylvia drove my sister everywhere; she would do anything for these girls. She was a wonderful person. She touched my life in so many ways. She was only 49. FOURTY NINE!! Younger than my mom. She dropped dead, opening the door to let the paramedics in!! Her daughter is only 16. I can’t imagine losing my mom at 28, let alone 16. So, the anger starts again. I’m sad that she is gone. I am angry that she is gone. Last night we met at the lodge, to support each other, to find out exactly what happened, to cry. I can’t help but be angry. I’m sure that this blog has taken the turn into brain downloading ramble, but that’s kind of what I need.

I guess what I am getting at is this. God, if you believe in him/her/it sees it fit to keep alive child molesters, Charles Manson, and Osama bin Laden, but the world needed less babies and wonderful women who make a difference in young girls’ lives?