(copied from my blog, http://www.aspenleafhosting.com/cat Living with Multiple Personalities)

Okay, admittedly I try very hard to be as normal as possible. I had a friend say, just recently, “you’re more normal than normal people!” and it made me think of two situations that have recently bothered me.

I have a very good friend and we were discussing a moment I had prior to her phone call. Basically, something had bothered me deeply and I was stressing out. I walked into the kitchen and my OCD hit me with anxiety feelings. I saw it was not cleaned and I went a little wacky. I told my husband I needed some help and everyone supported me as we cleaned but I could see in his eyes he knew I was flipping out a bit.

After we sorted this out, I was able to work through the problem elsewhere and things calmed down. I told my friend the story and she explained that it was completely normal and that all women have issues like that. I know her, she was trying to let me know that yes, it’s okay to flip out and be different but remember that others have the issue too. Or, maybe she wanted me to feel BETTER knowing I’m not alone, right?

There is a fine line between “normalizing” my mentall illness and “sympathizing” with my issues. I get irritated when the situation is “normalized” at every twist and turn. That is not what I’m seeking from others. I just want to be UNDERSTOOD. One of my triggers is being misunderstood. I have no idea why it bothers me so much but when she does this I feel just that…misunderstood.

That night I let it go but I talked to another friend about it to get it off my chest. I told her how people normalize things and she, having fought many anxiety attacks and issues, felt the same as I did. It isn’t that I want a pity party but it is that I want it acknowledged that I’ve fought my way here…and as normal as I might seem at times, it’s a daily, moment to moment fight for me. When you say “everyone has that issue” in a way that normalizes it, that feels like you’re crossing the line and not understanding a thing I say.

I’m extra sensitive to this because recently I had an altercation with another blogger online. I think too often I try so HARD to be normal, others see me as normal and then when things are expected of me that are normal and I cannot deliver, I’m seen as insensitive.

I don’t talk ‘crazy stuff’ on my blog everday for a good reason. I’m trying to heal. I don’t let my system speak out here as much as I’d like (yet) because, honestly, it could easily become a rambling mess. I sort through my thoughts and try to get them out here–as a way for me to heal. This is my processing spot so it seems more organized.

I can see why others think I seem more normal and organized than some. I take great pains to come here, I let my OCD kick in and control things where I can, and then I post and become involved.

I guess I just want to remind people that there is a real life out here. It’s not just a blogging community. Things happen behind the scenes that affect someone and create stress. It’s not very sensitive of you to assume that the blogging community is the only place I visit. It’s also not very sensitive of you to make demands on me when my struggles are so unseen at times. Think before you speak. Ponder before you blame. Don’t be selfish.

I try at every corner not to take myself too seriously. I keep in mind there are feelings on the other side of the monitor. I also know that if my children come into the room and need me, the computer is immediately second. If there is something in my life going on, my blog comes second. I pay attention to that with other bloggers and I try to understand that this is not the only world (although some spend so much time here they might get lost on that fact).

If you’re dealing with someone that’s explaining things, don’t normalize the condition to “make them feel more normal”, instead think about what they are saying and maybe just offer an ear. Sometimes that’s all we need.

If you’re dealing with someone online in a community–don’t make demands on them that you wouldn’t make on them if you were face to face. And, if you do that, realize that you are not the only person with issues and problems. Realize that life might be very stressful for other reasons that cannot be explained and take a moment to understand that.

Please?