I usually do most of my posts over at one of my other blogs- but today I just wanted to let everyone know that there is a celebration/contest going on over at my blog "The Dance" I hit post #300 today and I am giving away a prize to one lucky reader in celebration! So go check it out.
http://sandrasdance.blogspot.com

It happened last night. My baby cried about being adopted. She has never ever known another family or way of life. I was the first person to hold her after the doctor. I have always known this day would come, and thought I was prepared. It wrenched my heart out anyway.

I have never been a big fan of not letting your child know that they are adopted, but we could not have hidden it if we wanted to. We are two white parents with 6 biological children and she is bi-racial. No blue eyes and blonde/red hair for her. She knows her birth mom's name and the few sketchy things that are appropriate to tell an 8 year old. She has asked about her skin color and wished that she could have freckles like me.

But last night. She was going through some books and found one of the story books about adoption that I had purchased for her when she was born. She has read the others (or had them read to her) more than once. This one, I don't remember ever reading to her. It is called "She will never, ever stop loving you" and is a story about the birth mother doing everything she could to have a healthy baby and then giving him to his adoptive family. It then talks about how the birth mother gave the child and the family a great gift in letting them be a family and that the birth mother will always love the child even though she is not the mom anymore.

When I was done, there were tears running down my baby's cheeks. We talked about why she was sad. We talked about the things that we knew about her birth mom. We talked about why she was adopted- both from the birth mom's reasons to mine. We talked about all the things she has because she lives with us and that she would not have if she didn't. We talked about how it is ok to feel this way and that she will probably feel this way again. We talked about how, when she is 18, she can find her birth mom if she wants to.

We don't have contact with the birth mom. I know her name and a bit of her background (more than I am willing to share with an 8 year old). I know more than I should. She was born in a hospital that had only had 1 other adoption and when we were registering, the person left the room and left all the documents regarding the birth mom on the desk. I peeked and wrote down. Then after the birth, the insurance sent a document to us that was supposed to go to the adoption agency. Most of the vital information was blacked out, but not all. I made a copy before sending it to the right place. All of this is in a fireproof box to be looked at later.

I send updated pictures of my baby to the agency, who does have contact with birth mom. A couple of years ago, she wrote and wanted a couple more. My baby drew a picture and wrote a small letter. I asked for a picture of her so my baby could see what she looks like. The letter we got back stated that she does not have a camera or money to have a picture taken and a bunch of stuff that a small child of 6 did not need to read. So, I put it away for later.

Last night in all of the talking, my baby asked, "Why when we send her pictures and letters does she never write back?" I reminded her of the letter that she had sent, but she was not happy. She wants to see and to know.

Then we prayed and went to sleep. I was hoping that she would be happier this morning, but when I left for work, there were the sad, silent tears again. And it is breaking my heart.

I knew the day would come, and I know it is just the beginning, but I was not as ready as I thought I would be.

I am thankful for my children. I have 7 of them and there really are days, weeks, nay even years that I want to just pull my hair out and wonder why I even ever thought that having children was a good idea. But really, truly I am so thankful to be a mom. It is all I ever wanted to do in my life, grow up, get married, spend the rest of my life being the best mom in the world- just like my mom.

Today, I am thankful that you all are getting to know my second born, JJBananas, http://www.cre8buzz.com/profiles/1765

Isn't her photography amazing? I know she doesn't get that from me. Probably from my dad who I think is a phenomanal photographer and he want to be as good as she is.

This past week I have been coming down with (or rejuvinating) a yucky cold virus. Yesterday it was brutal, fever of 102+*. Not fun. I was in bed delirious and at the "I am afraid that I am not going to die" stage. My daughter did a load of towels for me, my 3rd child cleaned the kitchen (in the Marines it would be called KP-he's trained well) and my 5th child even cooked hamburgers for supper. And did a pretty good job for a 14 year old boy- not too much smoke- anyway not so much that opening the window and back door and it was cleared out in about 10 minutes. But he tried and it was acutally edible. And today, I made it back to the land of the living and they are all still wonderful.

Today I am thankful for clouds. Now that may seem a silly thing to be thankful for, especially for someone that suffers fro seasonal depression. You know, the depression that comes from not enough sunlight. So why would I be thankful for clouds? Every day or at least every other day we have had a storm. Not wimpy storms either, but storms that have dropped between 6-18 inches of snow. Snow on the road, snow on the sidewalks, snow on the grass. With the storms have come winds. 50 mile an hour winds. Winds that have caused white outs and closed roads and kept students at school after the final bell has rung. All of this has come from clouds, so why would I be thankful for them today.

Today I am thankful for clouds because they keep the warmth from the sun trapped and on the earth. On days like today when the sun is shining and it is pretty outside, the light glinting off of the pure white powdered crystals on the ground, it is cold. Make that C O L D. Cold and I are not friends. I really need a blanket and today I am thankful for a blanket for the sky, clouds.

1 cup sugar
1 cup butter, softened
2 eggs
1 cup buttermilk (if you don’t have buttermilk, add 1 TBSP white vinegar to just under 1 cup milk)
1 teaspoon baking soda
2 cups sifted flour
Grated rind of 2 oranges
Juice of 2 oranges
1 cup brown sugar

Preheat oven to 375 degrees. Cream butter and sugar together. Add eggs and mix well. Dissolve
baking soda in buttermilk; pour in mixing bowl. Add 2 cups flour and orange rind and mix
together well. Fill mini muffin pans (regular muffin pans will work well, too) 2/3 full and bake for
12-17 minutes or until light golden.
Remove from oven.
Combine 1 cup brown sugar with the juice from the two oranges. Stir together, and drizzle over
warm muffins. Remove from pans immediately and eat warm! Mmmmm.

Recipe courtesy of:
Pioneer Woman
www.thepioneerwomancooks.com
www.thepioneerwoman.com