I always knew it was a risk to share the parts of me that are difficult to understand - the complexity of me - with the outside world. But with the stigma of mental illness still rife it is my hope that I can share my experiences to help break down the stigma. I have seen support come in from others who are, or have experienced difficulties due to mental illness and that has made the risk worthwhile.

I have shared that I have personality disorder, ocd, anxiety and depression. I have shared about my hospitalization, shared my plan to commit suicide earlier this year. I have been called brave but for me it came about because of the great personal loss and the devastating affect of trying to keep it all a secret has had on me. The person I called a soul mate watched as I declined in health and they basically could not cope. They accused me of not showing them the real me, not even to her. But I was well on my way - I had learned to trust her and was willing to no longer hide who I was but it was too late. She took her friendship away. I am destroyed by that and unwilling to get close to anyone again.
But by blogging and being honest and maybe understood, connecting to others and by exploring and expressing who I am, I can at least learn to understand me.

Borderline personality disorder as it is known now ( formerly - borderline group, borderline states, borderline personality organization, borderline syndrome) is more common than schizoprenia and bipolar disorder and occurs in 2% of the populatiuon. 1 out of 33 women and 1 out of 100 men will suffer from the disorder and 20% of psychiatric hospital admissions are those with BPD, yet little is known about it.
The term borderline personality disorder came into offical use in 1980. However, the disorder has been recognized for almost 3000 years.
Early historical literary and medical references that describe individuals with symptoms we would now consider consistent with borderline disorder go back to the writings in Homer, Hippocrates, and Aretaeus.

The origins of the term borderline has evolved over the last 65 years from early discriptions of the disorder as borderline pychosis, pre-schizoprenia, pseudoneurotic schizophrenia and latent schizophrenia. To some the term 'borderline' is misleading. Originally, the term was used on people who seemed to be on the border of being given a diagnosis of schizophrenia. However, now BPD is seen as distinct from schizophrenia diagnoses, the 'borderline' aspect is seen to express being on the border of pyschosis. If someone has psychosis, they have beliefs or experiences not shared by others. Those diagnosed with BPD may have these at times of stress and those who suffer from the illness have a greater risk of committing suicide than the general population.

BPD is the result of physiological and chemical disturbances in certain pathways in the brain that control specific brain functions. In an earlier post I listed the symptoms of BPD and there are four groups of behavioural disturbances -

poorly regulated emotions,
impulsivity,
impaired perception and reasoning,
markedly disturbed relationships.

A commonly used mnemonic to remember some features of borderline personality disorder is PRAISE:

P - Paranoid ideas
R - Relationship instability
A - Angry outbursts, affective instability, abandonment fears
I - Impulsive behavior, identity disturbance
S - Suicidal behavior
E - Emptiness

BPD is a controversial diagnosis. It implies that someone's whole personality is flawed. Some psychiatrists say it is impossible to treat someone's personality. Often services are not readily available and an unfair stigma has developed about BPD, even among mental health professionals which adds to the mystery and perceptions of the illness.

*sources of information came from reading -

Mind-Understanding borderline personality disorder.

Bordeline Personality Disorder Demystified by Robert O. Friedel, MD

Wikipedia.