I volunteer with the Scottish Wildlife Trust at the Loch of the Lowes Wildlife Reserve, Perthshire, Scotland.
The main attraction from March through to September is a pair of breeding Ospreys.
I am excited to say the female Osprey returned from Africa along with new male partner on Sunday 30th March. The pair were observed mating already.

As a volunteer my role is to work in the visitor centre helping out visitors, working in the shop, and general duties. Last year I was involved in maintenance and did paint work on the hides and pathway fences.

Poachers are always a threat to eggs so an around the clock operation with volunteers and staff is put into action to closely watch/protect the eggs until they hatch. I will be one of the volunteer egg watchers.

There are preventive measures around the tree and surrounding area along with infrared CCTV.

The nest can be viewed from hides which are across the loch from the nest and from within the visitor centre from a large HD TV screen complete with sound and zoom features.
Here is a link to a webcam of the nest and Ospreys. The site will also give information about the Scottish Wildlife Trust.
http://www.thewebbroadcastingcorporation.com/swt/swt

Best seen during daylight hours - Greenwich Mean Time

Unopened letters carpet an unpolished wooden floor
where before only dust lay behind the door
now junk mail and flyers tell of their wares
and the odd calling card expresses someone cares.

The telephone rings: but she dare not speak of her woes
nor answer when "strangers" knock or the doorbell goes;
her mind locked into paranoia as she waits in the dark
music cranked up to cancel out the neighbour's dog's bark.

She does not wash one day until days turn into a week
and with taste buds deadened, she often forgets to eat.
Sleep, like a narcotic, lures her to find some escapism
but it battles with psychosis which in turn searches realism.

Counting away no longer soothes her agitation as far flung
visions camouflage her walls where once artwork hung,
now replaced with distortions and variations of belief;
she struggles with shaking hands to pop pills of relief.

The minute I walked into the abyss I was engulfed in darkness, a darkness so overpowering that I'd lost track of my whereabouts.
Faltering steps, maybe two or three then stop; which way was up, which way forward? Looking back to the way I came in had been pointless. I stood motionless in fear, somehow hoping my eyes would adjust to the darkness, that I'd begin to see faint traces of... of what exactly? I was not so sure. Something, someone, anything familiar to cling to.

Unprepared and foolishly I had tried to turn back. I'd stumbled and fallen. A slow motion of thoughts thick in my mind had made me giddy. Hopeless. Like a nightmare in which I'd find myself detached from my limbs; eyes and mouth sewn over and lying vulnerable waiting for incubus to descend.

Yet what courage had found me here; Lost. Was it something greater that found myself challenging all boundaries known to me? Why had I ignored all the warning signs?

Drums in the distance echoed off invisible walls. The beat had steadily grown louder until it caught my breath and I realized it was my heartbeat. I was not scared. No, not scared or so I'd told myself over and over but those thoughts only became more confused. More muddled.
Voices. They called out, softly and unknown at first then with more urgency and mixed in with the drum beat I had felt the intensity of an African chant, a chant offering a sacrifice to the spirits. Was I the sacrifice? The voices got louder and more insistent calling out things I could not or would not hear. I began to hear familar voices too. Voices of my past. But it could not be. No, I'd locked those voices away in a part of me so that I would no longer suffer. Silenced and buried deep, so deep.

I did not reckon on ever hearing them again, yet the voices found a way to escape. I could hear the bitter revenge as they vied for airspace, overlapping desperate to be heard after all this time.
I'd covered my ears to shut them out. How dare they intrude. They must've known I would do that as the moment I pressed hard my hands over my ears I suddenly saw the figure of a caveman tending his fire. On the ochre walls were shadows. Menacing and leering each a vessel for the voices.
And so it was here, beside this benign caveman that I saw the past meet the present. Each shadow flickered a greeting, pleased at the spark of recognition ignited as they breathed into me, dragon-like.

I dropped my hands, at last aware of the futility of it all and I'd sunk to my knees. My stoic resolve no longer able to withstand the onslaught of sensory emotions. My tears, like an indoor water feature, began to trickle.

I recognised a stronger smell than the crackling firewood and I noticed that the caveman with his earthy scent had positioned himself beside me.
He whispered, ' Look at the shadows. Observe them but don't be scared for they are your future but you must be able to truly see each of them for what they are. Hear their voices too and if you don't understand them, just listen. You'll soon learn their meaning. Also you must be able to match the voice to the shadow for only then will they stop haunting you. Yes, see it like a game, a puzzle that you must complete.'

He paused and rubbed his gnarled hand across his nose before continuing, 'But a word of warning, they are as devious as you could ever be. They will try to trick you. I have seen all their scams and they are clever... but, not as clever as I am. Truth is the only way out. The stakes are high, they know it, I know it and you know it but I will see if you do not play the game with true conviction and that is why I must stoke the fire.'

He stood up. 'Face your demons,' he said, '...see them for what they are or you will be stuck down here forevermore. I won't deny I'd appreciate the company, it does get kind of lonely here but my good wishes are for you to leave.'

I watched him slowly approach the fire and we looked at each other momentarily, both knowing what must be done. He nodded then stoked the fire and the shadows danced as the voices sang out with even more vigour.

So now I am left alone observing and listening...

Never been in love/loved

I can juggle

23 is my favoured number

Drinks too much coca~cola

I was born in Zimbabwe

omelette? Yuck won't eat it

Mozart - stirs my emotions

I have represented Scotland ( squash )

drive? nope, can't drive

Don't believe in God

suffer with O.C.D. ( intrusive thoughts/counting )

Cornflower blue is my favourite colour

Enjoy philosphical questions/debates

I take anti-psychotics and anti-depressants

Love wildlife

I can eskimo roll in a canoe

I suffer from pseudo-hallucinations

Owns a drum-kit, keyboard, guitar and bongo drums.

I have saved a life or two

Friends? Nope, I have no real ( out-with computer) friendships

I am incredibly shy

I am hyper-sensitive

Travelled in Europe, Africa, Asia, the US and Canada

Don't smoke

Lives with Borderline Personality Disorder

Always wanted to be a writer

I've ridden an African elephant in the bush

I have a sense of humour

Visited Nelson Mandela's prison cell on Robben Island, South Africa

Passionate about photography

I have witnessed death

Hopeless at mathematics

I have been in a car that has run over a dog :(

Been hospitalized for mental illness

I don't believe in marriage

I am covered in freckles

Stroked a cheetah at a cheetah conservation project

Love to read but don't have the concentration span anymore

Live in a capital city

Climbed and walked along part of the Great Wall of China

Won on the lottery (£51.00)

Have spoken to Royalty ( Princess Anne )

Love the aroma of fresh coffee

Was estranged from my Father ( then he died 2006 )

Would love to orbit the Moon

I never feel good enough

Have no children/pets

Currently unemployed due to mental illness

Went to Canada to visit someone I met online

Dream of being a photographer for the National Geographic

raining, I stand barefoot
at the corner curb of nowhere,
a nobody
simply lost

god drives by toke in hand
and I swear she smiles
that smile that says,
'I told you so!'

pocketful of empty
spent on white haze highs,
flooding my veins
addictions curse

satan taunts my weakness,
then abandons me
alone and sad
playing with fire

trying to find myself,
this insanity
over again
drives me higher

simply lost,
a nobody
at the corner curb of nowhere,
raining, I stand barefoot