I bought a mini-trampoline this weekend. I was looking for a piece of home fitness equipment that met one specific requirement -- it had to fit into a 3-foot square area of my bedroom. All those infomercials promising muscle toning, core-strengthening, or cardio training neglect to mention this very important issue: Will it fit in your house without having to remove a major piece of furniture such as the sofa, causing all your guests to have to perch along the edge of the AbFlexGlideExerAtor whenever they come over for margaritas and tofu chili?

Maybe you have a 3600 square foot house with a room designated as ”the home gym," but I'm lucky to have a room designated as "the bathroom." The rule around here is nothing new comes in without something being donated to Goodwill. I'm sure my husband wonders when he's
going to have to make that one-way trip because I've found a new end table or floor lamp I can't live without that takes up the same amount of space he does. Perhaps that explains his recent obsession with losing weight.

So when I found the mini-tramp... love that word, by the way... at a local sporting goods store and realized it would fit in the bedroom without having to take anything out, I was ecstatic. It didn't hurt that it was only $39 and that it came in a single box. I've had experience purchasing exercise equipment that arrived in multiple boxes and required a screwdriver, wrench, hammer, ratchet set, drill press, circular saw, latex gloves, and a dozen tequila chasers to assemble. Of course, it was usually the case that putting together the weight bench or the Nordic ski machine was the most exercise I ever got from them. Except for dragging them out to the garage sale.

My husband and I managed to put the mini-trampoline together in less than 15 minutes. It required no tools and now sits in the bedroom corner. It's small AND bouncy AND has the name tramp in it -- what's not to love?

The best part, though, is the yellow laminated Trampoline Use Instructions that the manual told me to "Post in a highly visible place." Just in case someone breaks in and decides to give the tramp a try, I guess. Here are some of the rules:
o Do not allow more than one person on the trampoline at a time. As far as I can tell, the only way that would be possible is if you had a small infant strapped to your chest. So please, if you break into my house with a small infant strapped to your chest, remove said infant prior to getting on the equipment.
o Use trampoline only with mature, knowledgeable supervision. Well drat! Now I'm going to have to find someone mature? I have no idea where to even look.
o While keeping the head erect, focus eyes on the trampoline toward the perimeter. Sure, I can do that. How about I also insert my elbow in my ear and touch my tongue to my nose? That way I'll work out every part of my body at the same time.
o Do not use the trampoline while under the influence of alcohol or drugs. I'm willing to forgo the booze prior to working out, but what kind of drugs are they talking about? 'Cuz I'm on the estrogen patch. Maybe I should call my doctor.
o Do not use when trampoline is wet or in windy conditions. Well, duh, the wet part is why I wear the patch now isn't it? But I guess I'll have to avoid bouncing when the heater kicks on. Because that 3 square feet of bedroom is right next to the air duct.
o Do not use or if you have bladder control issues. Okay, it didn't say that, but it should. So I scribbled it on the bottom of the list. Don't want anyone taking chances.

I'm off. I have some bouncing to do. If, that is, I can find a mature person in the next half hour.