Posts
Dear Vodka Fairy,
Please, PLEASE allow me to get on a plane next week and NOT freak out. Drown me if you have to before I get on the plane.
Yours dearly, sincerely, desperately and ready with a straw,
Kelly
I used to love to fly. Past tense. USED TO. I flew 2 months after 9/11 and basically had a panic attack. My brother-in-law fed me xanax before the flight, but I was still sweating like a pig and shaking like the vodka fairy died and left me with the Dt’s. We were allowed to board the plane early, because I had my daughter with us, who was only 3 at the time. I watched the rest of the passengers board and as each individual past by, these were the conversations in my head:
“Terrorist.”
“Terrorists wife”
“Very old Terrorist”
“Has a bomb strapped to him.”
“Terrorist.”
“Possibly the Federal agent, or a very built terrorist who will take the whole plane down himself.”
Ect., Ect.
We are flying to Florida for Jay’s oldest brothers wedding on Saturday July 5th. We’re flying in on the 2nd, because it’s his Mom’s B-day. This time, I will be heavily sedated. Tuesday afternoon the kids and I will be going to my parents. My husband will then come pick me up and the kids are going to stay with my parents for the rest of the week. That will be major break down #1. Saying good-bye to them will be so hard. I haven’t left both of them for more then a night or 2. NOT 5 days! Then Jay and I will drive up to his brothers in Chester NJ and spend the night. We fly out of Newark at 8:45 and land in West Palm Beach Florida at 11:45. Most likely (or hopefully) I will just put on my iriver and close my eyes, envision me and the vodka fairy splashing in a fountain of vodka and not open my eyes or speak to anyone for the rest of the flight. I am sure that my husband will be doing the same thing!!!
Once we land, we’ll wait for His sister and her BF to fly in from Arizona and his Brother from VA, all to land. (magically all within an hour of us!) We had hoped to get a nice mini-van, but ended up with Ford Econo-line van. For the wedding the siblings all have to wear white. We’ve decided that they’re all going to look like the Jones clan, ready to drink the suicidal Kool-aid, as the cult has kicked them out. Or they’re going to had out flowers to people. I on the other had got a gorgeous turquoise and brown cocktail dress to wear. It’s on the beach and should be gorgeous! It will be a FUN week of partying. This is the first time in 20 years that all 5 siblings will be in the same place at one time. Jay’s Mom is besides herself with excitement. She and I get along great. She’s an awesome cook and just had a new house built, with an amazing kitchen, so I can’t wait to get there and do some cooking with her.
Any who, the flight home will most likely have me in an exhausted/panicked stupor, but still partying to the vodka fairy. I am sure to have LOTS of good blog material after this trip!
Pray to the fairy, god, buddha, mother nature, the clouds, the pilot, and anyone else that might possibly prevent me from freaking out, that I survive the flight. And when I say survive, I mean land peacefully and quietly. Not hear about me on the news, ’cause they had to detour and kick me off. Good times……
Quirkee James June 27, 2008 8:04 am
Flying is the safest way to travel. You will be fine!
That doesn’t mean you shouldn’t answer the door when the vodka fairy comes knocking. Liquor+flying=Good times!
Chefmom, Cooking June 27, 2008 8:14 am
QJ, I know, I know! I’m more likey to get into a car accident, then a plane crash. But I can control the car, not the plane!! And I’m just leaving the front door open for the vodka fairy. No need to knock!!
Bad Momma, Moms June 27, 2008 8:19 am
Reminds me of flying with my sister to Chicago when my brother was having emergency surgery a few years back.
On the way down, there was a middle-eastern looking man with suspicious reading materials, note cards, taking up 2 seats and looking nervous. We could tell the other passengers were on alert.
On the way back after a 3 hour delay, we sat up front with 3 other women with the 2 rows that face each other. We hit some turbulence and one of the girls started talking about having had bad premonitions before boarding and was sure we were going to die! My sister who had several drinks at the airport was ready to deck the 20-something space-cadet and I had to hold her back.
My advice:
1. Don’t panic - When you survive, which you will, the other passengers will lynch you. You should be more afraid of them!
2. Drugs and/or alcohol may take the edge off but may contribute to saying or doing things that you will regret.
3. Bring a DVD player or laptop, reading material and other activities that will keep your mind busy.
Also chewing gum.
4. Take out a HUGE life insurance policy (pretty much insuring you are not going to die)
Chefmom, Cooking June 27, 2008 8:34 am
Bad Momma, I would have been your sister! LOL!! I’m practicing deep breathing, taking my music, and really, I’m not sure that my husband would let me drink at 8 am anyway. People will just look at me funny….I’ll be the one rocking back and forth chanting, “I think I can, I think I can.”
Thanks for the advice!!
mgrossfl, Real Estate June 27, 2008 8:37 am
OK, never really thought of this. Actually, have flown quite a bit. Heading out of town in a couple of weeks and for some reason I know this will be ringing in my head.
“Terrorist.”
“Terrorists wife”
“Very old Terrorist”
“Has a bomb strapped to him.”
Thanks, there is enough going around in my head. Now, they’ll have more to fight about.
Geez!!!
Chefmom, Cooking June 27, 2008 1:02 pm
Sorry mgrossfl! It’s my own craziness peaking it’s ugly head out. If you’re used to flying, it shouldn’t be a big deal! I have not flown since then! How about changing the thoughts to:
“Man who likes Warm fudge filled cheesecake with ganache.”
“Woman who likes Creme Caramel with passion fruit puree.”
“Old man who loves homemade whipped cream and warm pound cake.”
“Has a lot of candy bars strapped to his belt.”
See, you can change they thought to what their favorite dessert might be. Hmmmm, maybe that will work for me!
stewartallyn, Dads June 27, 2008 1:06 pm
I-pod and a book to fall asleep by.
ourcrookedtree, Moms June 27, 2008 1:30 pm
Get to the airport early; not for the security check but to hang out at the bar ☺
trysh, Crafting June 27, 2008 3:45 pm
Back in the day…..I chain-smoked and drank my way the entire flight - and that tells you how long ago that was!
Now I don’t do either - and not sure I could get on a plane at all….without being put to sleep and carried on and off….lol!
Do believe you’ll be just fine - thinking of what you’re flying TO!! How great is that? The whole family together - and a wedding.
Grab hold of those seat arms and you’ll be able to keep it in the air!
Chefmom, Cooking June 27, 2008 6:15 pm
stewartallyn: I’m planning on taking both. Hopefully that will be enough!
ourcrookedtree: LOL! I said that to my husband. I told him that I am going to HAVE to take a shot before boarding.
trysh: I actually considered calling the Dr. for a sleeping pill….
We are SO excited about having the family togther. Unfortunately, We’re not bringing our kids and one of my Brother-in-laws isn’t either. If we all were, It would be the first time ever all would be together. Another time, I suppose. I’m just looking forward to LANDING and relaxing around the pool with beverage in hand
Half-Past Kissin' Time June 29, 2008 11:33 pm
You’ll be fine! (But just in case, bring the vodka.)