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Mother’s Day has always been just another Sunday in May to me and my family. I only have one memory of an attempt at doing something “special” for my mom when I was growing up and it isn’t exactly a Hallmark moment.
I rode my bike up to the local drug store to buy her a card and on my way home, the weather took a sudden turn and the sky became very ominous. Out of nowhere, rain and hail were whipping accross my face as I tried to walk my bike and the, now saturated, greeting home. It was so windy that the short walk was nearly impossible. Through my tears, I remember seeing our red , rusted ‘72 Caprice pull up alongside me to help me out. Sounds kind of sweet so far, right? Well, if my mom wasn’t an over-worked, over-stressed, under-paid working single mom, she might have taken the whole thing in stride and realized what a sweet gesture it was. But she was all of those things- so she wasn’t thrilled with having to load up my baby sister in a torrential rain storm to come and save me, and get drenched while loading my pink Huffy into the trunk.
As she pulled up, she yelled at me about what I was thinking going out in those conditions. My tears turned from fear of the storm and my saftey to a crushing hurt to a “we’ll see if I ever do anything nice for you again” anger. There were words. I’m sure not kind ones and I was probably grounded for the ones I said. I don’t remember the specifics, but that was usually how things ended up in our house, so it’s safe to assume that I was grounded that Mother’s Day.
Despite our tense mother/daughter moments, and there have been many, my mom and I have always had a good relationship. We couldn’t be much more different, though. She can be meek and modest. She is a great listener and has a lot of wisdom and compassion to share, but is cautious not to overstep. She hates confrontation. She tries to put a “positive” spin on everything. She is the LEAST judgemental person I will ever know and gives everyone a fair shake. She is as smart as a whip-book smart, that is- she is lacking in the common sense department, but is the first to laugh at herself. She has an inner strength and tries her best not to care what others think of her.
Growing up, the house didn’t have to be clean, we weren’t expected to get straight “A”s, and we were taught to be happy for the roof over our head. She never tried to ”keep up with the Joneses” and she was sincerely happy for others’ gains- while we had to scrape to get by. Many of our meals were on a “help yourself” basis- cereal, canned goods, bologna sandwiches. On special nights, she would whip up scrambled eggs and french toast.
I am outspoken and often speak when I shouldn’t. I am opinionated and let my opinion be known. I am very honest, even when the truth isn’t pretty. I dwell on the negative and am ashamed of how superficial I can be. I want to be liked and care far too much of people’s opinions of me. I am a neat freak and strive to be June Cleaver. I expect too much from my kids and, although, grateful for everything I have, secretly always wish I had more.
So many of her qualities I wish I posessed, the one I’m afraid I do, is that we are both overly emotional and then live to regret it. I often find myself over-reacting and turning into Sybil over things that don’t go the way I planned. The daily stresses of my mom’s life during the bike incident caused her to react in a way that I’m sure she wasn’t proud of. I remember what a blow it was to me to make that attempt and it not be fully appreciated. I know the regret that my mom must have felt in hindsight.
My kids have “secretly” made me about 80 Mother’s Day cards for Sunday already. I have been finding scraps of paper, pen and marker ink on clothing and carpet, and my good stationary cut into jagged misshapen hearts all over the house for the last week. My initial reaction would be to yell at them for the mess, ruining their things and going through my desk and then feel bad later, like my mom did. Although I may not have been blessed with the attributes that I admire about my mom, I can take away a lesson from her in this and not let my stresses make me miss what’s important.
May 9, 2008 |
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Maureen, Painting/Drawing May 9, 2008 9:47 pm
Wow, great story. And you’re right. Sometimes we need to step back, take a deep breath and remember what is truely important in our lives. Have a great Mom’s Day!
RealWorldMom, Moms May 9, 2008 10:34 pm
It’s so nice to hear that, despite your differences, you and your mom have a close relationship. I hope you both have a wonderful Mother’s Day!
Trish May 10, 2008 6:39 am
I love this! You took that lesson from long ago, and applied it now, and joy will be your result. You found a way to step back and let their love shine through - Happy Mother’s Day!
stewartallyn, Dads May 10, 2008 7:22 am
Happy Mother’s Day !
Half-Past Kissin' Time May 10, 2008 2:18 pm
It’s called “conscious parenting,” I think; being very aware that the smallest comment can build or crush your child’s self-esteem. Your mom was doing the best she could do at the time (yes, I know you realize that), and I’m guessing being conscious of her parenting played second fiddle to putting food on the table. I loved this honest post.