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Lyrics to Wild Horses by Natasha Bedingfield
I feel these four walls closing in Face up against the glass I’m looking out, hmmm Is this my life I’m wondering It happened so fast How do I turn this thing around Is this the bed I chose to make It’s greener pastures I’m thinking about Hmm, wide open spaces far away All I want is the wind in my hair To face the fear but not feel scared Ooh, wild horses I wanna be like you Throwing caution to the wind, I’ll run free too Wish I could recklessly love like I’m longing to I wanna run with the wild horses Run with the wild horses I see the girl I wanna be Riding bare-back, care-free Along the shore If only that someone was me Jumping head-first, head-long Without a thought To act and damn the consequence How I wish it could be that easy But fear surrounds me like a fence I wanna break free All I want is the wind in my hair, to face the fear, but not feel scared…
After being released from a 7 week hospital stay in June 2006, I could not listen to this song with out sobbing. I could not not listen to it either. All I could do was drive by the beach and look at all the people down on the sand and in the surf. The people riding their horses on the trails in Palos Verdes looked so at peace and fulfilled. I wanted to be running on the sand again, hiking down a trail like I used to, but all I could do was just drive by the happy people to drop off my kids at summer camp. Literally, drop them off. I could not get out of the car. I had undergone a spine fusion, contracted C-Diff, required a blood transfusion, got a Picc line which caused a blood clot and then they finally sent me home, in less pain but unable to walk or stand for more than a couple minutes. Someone from the camp would have to come and get the kids to walk them in for the day. If my son, who has Aspergers, was having a meltdown, well, I would just take him home because I could not go into camp and get him acclimated. It was a rough summer.
I am still pretty much about that disabled. I can get out to the car with my cane but that is it. I need to use my wheelchair for everything else. The problem is that when you have an electric wheelchair, you need to be able to use it. Getting one in and out of a car or home is mostly impossible to do for even able bodied people, so you can imagine how a vehicle or home would need to be modified in order for a wheelchair to be truly useful and beneficial. Well, a little over a year ago my insurance approved supplier dropped off my electric wheelchair one day; and after showing me a little bit about it, they left. That was it. No one was there to tell me how I am supposed to use this thing in my life.
It has been over a year and the era of dependence is finally drawing to a close. Yes, my 2002 Chrysler Town and Country is going to be getting a face lift, oopsies…I meant a butt lift. In order to install my swing away lift, I will need to get my suspension & receiver upgraded. All together, the whopping bill is close to $5,000.
You can understand why insurance does not pay for such “luxury” items like lifts and receivers or ramps. It is expensive to modify a home or vehicle to allow the practical use of a power wheelchair. But without doing so, the person who must use the power wheelchair is stranded. Forced to navigate unsafe, unforgiving, absent or precariously located curbs and ramps; all below the eyesight of other drivers rear and side view mirrors. Think SUV. NOW think person sitting in a moving wheelchair right behind that backing up SUV. Get my drift? So, does insurance even provide a nifty long orange flag pole so people can see you while you take your new power chair out to the streets? No. Unless you can afford to modify your car, you have to take to the streets and public transportation! Or rely on others to push you around in a manual chair. If you even know people and if they even have time you can consider yourself lucky. Or spend $5K that you don’t have laying around.
This is the predicament I have been in for about 2 years. After trying to even research how to get a lift I had to get an idea of what it would cost and how I would pay for it. In the end, I have found several agencies in my area that are here to support people who are faced with the challenges of disabilities. The National MS Society, The Arc Of Davidson County, My Family (and possibly Whole Foods Market) have all dipped into their wallets to give me a hand up.
So in the next 2 weeks I will be taking my van in to the shop to get it prepared for my wheelchair and me. I have hope to be me again for the first time in a very long time.
The first time I drive my daughter to the Zoo, and lower my wheelchair off the ramp, drive it into the Zoo and have a blast with my girl, just me and her, will be a day of reconciliation between me and my body.
Someone I believe in once uplifted my spirits by telling me a quote that says:
“Nothing is ever too good or too bad for too long.”
Thank god for that.
April 16, 2008 |
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RealWorldMom, Moms April 16, 2008 8:39 pm
I’m so glad you’re finally able to have your van fitted for the lift! I can only imagine how exciting that must be for you! No slowing you down now! Hugs!
trysh, Crafting April 16, 2008 9:51 pm
I look forward to that post about the visit to the zoo! So glad that you will be able to now get around much better - a hard-won victory.
timbury, P.C. April 17, 2008 3:36 am
I was hoping, from the title, for something more risque than this. But it *is* a pornographic (or just run-of-the-mill obscene?) that it took two years. There ought to be funds available so people can help with problems like this. I love the song Wild Horses by the Rolling Stones, btw. Thanks for a good post. I’m just glad you got what you needed.
Angela, Moms April 17, 2008 9:10 am
I’m glad you got your lift. I got mine 5 years ago, just before my 5-year-old was born. You & I have a lot in common!
ban jonson November 14, 2008 11:21 pm
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